To one in paradise... a year on.



The Snowdrop fairy whom my grandma loved

 Today marks a year since the day that my Grandma Pam died in hospital just before she was meant to be coming home. She was the best Grandma ever, so stong, so humble, so fun, so good, pure and loving.
She honestly belivied in faries with me (and that I was one) and I will always remember her as the sweetest person. She honestly loved, loved and loved. I know it is common to remember one like this. But she was truly, truly good. Intelligent but simple. She knew herself.
This year has been hard but I know she would want us all to continue as normal. Never one to make a fuss. I hae seen my mother work herself (virtually) into the gravetrying to orgaise everything, look after my grandad ( who is lovly bu not uite so understanding), organise a move for him, continue with her job and always alwasys stay strong. I am here for her.
  I saw my father show sorrow. My paretns have been divorced for years but he jumed to attention and showed real grief and love at the funeral. This respect is amazing.
  This year I have grown and always remembered Grandma Pam. She helps me. Everytime I have negative thought or want to give up...  I know what she would want.
Thank you.

I believe. I believe. I do believe in faries!

Thou wast that all to me, love,
For which my soul did pine--
A green isle in the sea, love,
A fountain and a shrine,
 All wreathed with fairy fruits and flowers,
 And all the flowers were mine.

 Ah, dream too bright to last!
Ah, starry Hope! that didst arise
But to be overcast!
A voice from out the Future cries,
 "On! on!"--but o'er the Past
 (Dim gulf!) my spirit hovering lies
Mute, motionless, aghast!

 For, alas! alas! with me
 The light of Life is o'er!
"No more--no more--no more"--
 (Such language holds the solemn sea
To the sands upon the shore)
 Shall bloom the thunder-blasted tree,
Or the stricken eagle soar!

And all my days are trances,
And all my nightly dreams
Are where thy dark eye glances,
 And where thy footstep gleams--
In what ethereal dances,
 By what eternal streams!
Alas! for that accursed time
They bore thee o'er the billow,
From love to titled age and crime,
 And an unholy pillow!
 From me, and from our misty clime,
 Where weeps the silver willow!

1835 by Edgar Allan Poe

the first christmas

I simply had a wonderful christmas day! Really, honestly the best christmas I have had since I was a very very little girl. I don't meant to sound scroogey I love christmasy things but over the years I really have learnt to hate christmas day! This year made all the difference.
Since I was six i spent christmas half way between my mums and my dads untill i was a teenager... a christmas of car journeys, when I became a teenager christmas was tense because of my own difficulties... I wanted to enjoy it but I always caused the problem; always threw a tantrum or caused a desperate argument... it was too stressful. Christmas was a boring day spent being bored and feeling suffocated and fearful... then last year... although a special christmas, one to be remebered, was a deeply sad time. Last year was the last year my grandma, someone for whom christmas was christmas. We woke up at 6 in the morning and travelled to Oxford to spend Christmas day in hospital with my wonderful grandma pam, the most fantastic Grandma anyone could wish for. She was very frail and had declined rapidly, it was a humbling moving and saddening day but I am so happy i got to see her before she died. I will remember her forever and ever as a beautiful beautiful young at heart lady.

Anyway thank you for this Christmas. Thank you Wolfie (Alex) for making this perfect, thank you for being there, thank you for my lovely presents, thank you for making me outstandingly happy. Thank you his family for being lovely. Thank you my family for being wonderful and my best friends with amazing presents, amazing food and a lovely Christmas. And well done me... because I have changed and grown (because of these people) and now I can do Christmas and enjoy it!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

A children's story!

Beware of wolves they eat little girls and hide in the woods.



"My what big ears you have!"
"All the better to hear you with.."

"My what big eyes you have!"
"All the better to see you with..."

"My what big teeth you have!"
"All the better to EAT you with!"

..and the wolf lept out of the bed and gobbled little red riding hood up.