Eternity

"The bond of blood can backfire. Using blood binds you to the intent and outcome of the magick work, in the spiritual sense.  Blood magick can be eternal and forever through lives and deaths and time upon time.  Be careful with it.  Forever is an immeasurable amount of time.

A blood brother, or sister, is a partner for life, specifically this one, and this one only.

To bind oneself to someone for all of eternity is a HUGE decision.  Truthfully, I advise against any such bond.  As our spirits manifest in new bodies over eons of time our spirit grows and changes.  There are infinite possibilities and binding yourself for eternity, to anyone, reduces the scope of your future lives."

What we did we did not know.

I don't think there is anyway back.

We were playing with magic.

And I know this bind is true. 

Pete Doherty at The Heroes Bar

This one was nostalgic.
I wasn't even that excited about it...
Had gone off Pete a bit since his comeback and maybe since I wasn't so young anymore.
But Oh Oh dear. He still has it.
A pretty epic gig! And he still makes me go weak at the knees... (didn't look that bad (compared to what I had built up in my head!)

I was lucky enough to attend a very intimate small gig at the newly opened Heroes bar in Camden.
Pete played a long, coherent and beautiful acoustic set. The atmosphere was wonderful and the crowd very friendly and fun (of course there were the drunken desperate girls but that was probably me a year ago... or maybe me even now if I hadn't been stone cold sober (which is a good thing - I am trying to abstain from these things!)
  Alex took me. I was worried. I didn't know how it would turn out but I can honestly say we had a GREAT time. . . as always he treated me like a princess and I am very happy to say we can remain best of best of best of friends. Unfortunately I got my phone stolen in McDonald's, it  makes me feel pretty tragic... I hadn't had a drop to drink which means I must just be plain stupid.
 
It is refreshing to be in Camden. It is so different from the east and I felt truly happy for the first time in well ... ages. Peaches and Wolf man sat in the corner with some slightly cringey dancers, we got ridiculously sweaty... as you must at a "Pete" gig and suprisingly he was playing by ten and everything went pretty smoothly for me to get the last train home. Wow it was good :)

Some pictures (pretty poor quality) -

Chains

Pulsing tendon holding and churning
Chords of freedom we cannot break
Chains binding our wrists
our ankles
Our hearts
Our minds.
Wrapped together in discordant harmony
Pulling - a futile effort wrapped in the ties that are there.
Precious metal gripping bondage dreams.
Time is useless
Time apart - isn't real.
Hearts of human steal
Yet hearts so real
You know what you did
No words are necessary yet you need to scream them from your lungs.
You broke something
But you can't break these ropes of fire that bind my blood and keep my mind alive.

Both twisted and struck and pulled at these chains
Stabbing heart.
Stabbing blood.
What disastrous torment we caused ourselves in this immature mess!
These chains don't break
Chains of choice but not chains of meaning
They are just there holding us in some god forsaken purgatory
Pull apart and spring back together
Twist and turn
blood bound
mind bound
body bound
heart bound
soul bound binds
Don't break.
Don't break.
Don't break.
No escape.

AAAA-AAAA-aaaa experimentation (self portrait as therapy) after Marina Abromavic

Aaaa-Aaaa-Aaaa experimentation (Self Portrait after Marina Abramovic) from Elizabeth Ophelia Alice Rose on Vimeo.

An experimentation after Marina Abromavic's  and Ulay's work "AAA AAA".
A piece of work in it's own right - as a performer and an artist I justify remaking other artists work by placing myself within it in order to create something new or contrasting. None of us can do anything the same. I am not stealing a concept but trying to "feel" it. A performer plays a character.. perhaps I am the generic character of an artist?

This is obviously also personal and a self-portrait as I am in it. The screaming is an emotion although the lack of words takes out language. The scream is universal. With the scream we revert to animalistic qualities .. the reaction can be disturbing or humorous. For me... I am not objective so I would liek some feedback.

This was just an experimentation. The setting is wrong.. it was cold and windy. The clothes wrong... (we were cold) but it still has the raw humanistic and natural qualities. I would like to experiment with removing sound but for now here goes ...

for the readers (I am sorry for the shock)

For you people who read my last post (looks like there were a lot of you) I am sorry if it seems to much. I realise it is not the wisest thing to do but it is my wisest option. For me. It is the only way I can move one.
I need to have it there and I need people to know so that I can't brush it all under the carpet as soon as I get lonely. Which obviously I am right now. I need it there so that I can NEVER EVER go back. I need it there so he doesn't make me go back. I need it there to read and to clarify my thoughts.

BUT

this is not all doom and gloom. I don't need any anger or shock. I don't need any hate at Alex... just support for me. I don't know who he is. We both pressed destruct from the beginning. We are but human and we damage. I hope that he as well as me can learn from this..

on an even more positive note fashion week is awesome and I had an amazing time last night with the wonderful Tim Holloway who is proving to be a fantastic friend. Gin was on tap. Fashion galore. The best DJ's... and they did play NIRVANA. The best venues. The nicest people.....
The funnest people.
The people at tank and the OSMAN party... you are amazing.
I got pretty high on drink and who would have guessed it - was first on the pole - but thy all embraced it. There was blood and breakages but boy did we have fun
Then everyone at sketch just beautiful. Table dancing with the DJ's... last nights atmosphere was wild
See life is looking up.
I can do it on my own.... can't wait to more party's.

Stupid love songs...

To smile is to see you smile.
You saved me.
A thousand times you saved me,
                                   plucked me from hell and filled me with love;
Burning passion and love.
Burning, burning passion and desire.
Like fire you destroy but ignite.
Ignite life and fill my soul with the living.

To Live and To Love.

Oh joy
Oh tears
Oh heart

What heart?
This heart that beats in time with yours.
A drum,
A living orchestra of syllables!
                You make me feel
                 You make me feel one.
Agitation dissipates as I feel wholeness, oneness, peace.
Wholeness through your breath.
Heat that sighs and smoulders,
Smiling streams of beauty.

Words unjust, words a mere humiliation! - there is too much that only I or you know.
Pictures locked in dreams and memories,
Hanging relics of our actions,
But always love.

For what is love?
This is questionable.
We have our youth, our hearts, our minds, our lives to see but this breath you give is Love.
Oh to love,
Oh to see and feel !
To taste the same air and the same moment.
Oh this love!
It is to fall .
It is to fly.

scream

totem

Yesterday I was very lucky to  be able to see Cirque de Soleil's latest production "Totem" at The Royal Albert Hall with my Mum, Sister and Wolfie. It is fair to say it is a spectacular, visual, masterpiece and a breathtaking performance of effortless and spellbinding talent. It is the first time I have ever witnessed one of their shows and it was everything I thought it would be and more. I have always said I would have liked to run away with the circus and this certainly cements this view (as well as the fact I will never (most probably) ever come close to being able too). It really was flawless and exquisitely fun entertainment; everything a circus should be: daring, shocking, funny, clever and beautiful but on an impressively grand scale with fantastic set, costume, make-up and most wonderfully - a great live troupe of musicians.
  "Totem" is a story about humanity and the natural world set on a fictional island and randomly stringing together stories and pictures of evolution both scientific and factual.
     "TOTEM celebrates our infinite potential, and traces Man's journey from the very beginnings of life on Earth to out ultimate desire to fly. BREAK FREE FROM GRAVITY. "

Anyone who is going you will have a fab time!

playing the domestic goddess...

So here they are... Ican safely say over christmas I officially went mad. I actually made some cookies for Alex... AND DECORATED THEM!
This is not me!
Who have I become?
haha....
I a defenately no cake maker but here we go... some cupcake cookies complete with decorative box.
For some reason Alex bought me some cookie mix for christmas (is he trying to whip me into shape) and well... it filled half an hour of my time..and as a one off was fun!
I felt proud...
...and if I make the cupcakes.. who knows what I get in return? (wink wink)

the first christmas

I simply had a wonderful christmas day! Really, honestly the best christmas I have had since I was a very very little girl. I don't meant to sound scroogey I love christmasy things but over the years I really have learnt to hate christmas day! This year made all the difference.
Since I was six i spent christmas half way between my mums and my dads untill i was a teenager... a christmas of car journeys, when I became a teenager christmas was tense because of my own difficulties... I wanted to enjoy it but I always caused the problem; always threw a tantrum or caused a desperate argument... it was too stressful. Christmas was a boring day spent being bored and feeling suffocated and fearful... then last year... although a special christmas, one to be remebered, was a deeply sad time. Last year was the last year my grandma, someone for whom christmas was christmas. We woke up at 6 in the morning and travelled to Oxford to spend Christmas day in hospital with my wonderful grandma pam, the most fantastic Grandma anyone could wish for. She was very frail and had declined rapidly, it was a humbling moving and saddening day but I am so happy i got to see her before she died. I will remember her forever and ever as a beautiful beautiful young at heart lady.

Anyway thank you for this Christmas. Thank you Wolfie (Alex) for making this perfect, thank you for being there, thank you for my lovely presents, thank you for making me outstandingly happy. Thank you his family for being lovely. Thank you my family for being wonderful and my best friends with amazing presents, amazing food and a lovely Christmas. And well done me... because I have changed and grown (because of these people) and now I can do Christmas and enjoy it!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

happy christmas eve....

I get to spend mine with my star boy wolfie and can't wait to wake up with him on christmas day :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS

mistletoe kisses

KISS
KISS

KISS

KISS

If a couple in love exchanges a kiss under the mistletoe, it is interpreted as a promise to marry, as well as a prediction of happiness and long life...

... you would have thought then that the whole world would be happy, long living and married?

... I just like kissing!
xxx

                                                                        

The witch

I HAVE walked a great while over the snow,

And I am not tall nor strong.

My clothes are wet, and my teeth are set,

And the way was hard and long.

I have wandered over the fruitful earth,

But I never came here before.

Oh, lift me over the threshold, and let me in at the door!

The cutting wind is a cruel foe.

I dare not stand in the blast.

My hands are stone, and my voice a groan,

And the worst of death is past.

I am but a little maiden still,

My little white feet are sore.

Oh, lift me over the threshold, and let me in at the door!

Her voice was the voice that women have,

Who plead for their heart's desire.

She came--she came--and the quivering flame

Sunk and died in the fire.

It never was lit again on my hearth

Since I hurried across the floor,

To lift her over the threshold, and let her in at the door.

by MARY ELIZABETH COLERIDGE (1861 - 1907)

Come along to afe because you should...

This Friday
The Victoria
Fab music and dress up
Awesome crowd
plus WOLFIE is DJing..... yay



The Victoria
435 Queensbridge Road
London, United Kingdom

Friday 17th at 21:00 untill 2:00am!!!
FREE ENTRY

A NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!

travel...

I dont think the tube is part of this world...

so it has been a year....

and a fast one at that... but "by george" a great one!
I LOVE Alex all the world and will do forever. Our relationship is not understoo by many- the way we work, the way we seem, our morals, what we seem to care about but I think ayone who comes in to our contact knows we work as a team and are always there for each other. We have done some mental things in the past year.. some good, some very very bad!
But hell we have to live.
To be honest the prospect of a year scares me and I still run away but I have made a commitment and I just need Alex to remind me of that.
Anyway I love you ... I love you... I love you.
Best friend
Brother
Lover

here are a few pictures from the very beginning...

one week down...

Ok so this week I officially started my "degree" and I can say it has been an odd one...
I haven't relly done much or at least much that excites me but I guess that is down to the necessary introductions, formalities, boring tours and everything NOT to do with the course.
I got my timetable ... which is a bit of a shocker! I literally have 9 till 5 days nearly every day which I am going to find VERY VERY hard. I have not been in full time education since I was 14 and defenately not been able to commit to anything like this so the prospect is daunting. I tend to like to have time to do my own thing. Unfortunately my life does not amalgamate of one really important passion: ART!!!
Yes I am happy to be doing this degree but there are many things I don't want to sacrifice... ALEX(I can do this!)!!!!! excersise, sleep, partying... me time (away from people because yes, I find them HARD!). At the end of the day the only thing i would sacrifice these things for would be drama... but hey! I guess I will have to find a way of managing my time and one things for sure... I won't give up!
I must admit I have been pretty wobbly and taking it out on my loved ones but believe me the are there for me and I can not thank WOLFIE enough. . . really do treat him like shit sometimes and hs retun is pretty selfless :) "thank you... and my roses are beautiful!"
Anyway... all I have really done in terms of ART is had a group tutorial/crit and I must say my peers and tutors are brilliant I wouldn;t be suprised if some absolutely phenomenal stuff comes out of us. I had to go first infront of a group of people I didn't know which was pretty nerve wracking to say the least. We were meant to bring and work we did oer the summer in (which they hadn't told us to do!!) and I chose some paintings, some photographs and words and some performance based photographs (which incedentley wre partly on my blog) that I had done a coupl of weeks back. I like this work but you can;t escape that at the end of the day that I'm naked in these photos and, well, it is a little embarassing. Anyway we established that my current obsessions/ themes are mainly surrounding love/ physical/ and transcedence. It excites me that I can carry this on and the crit went really well and everyone seemed to like my work. My tutor said it was very exciting and she seemed really tuned in to my thinking and loved the fact that I was cross media ... stemming in to performance, word, 3D ... everything.
I havesome philosophers on love to check out which is great!
Anyway just a few questions I have to think about...
1. When do I use what mode of "practise" and why?
2. Am I outside or inside my work (depending on practise) and is this to do with myself or he theme?

modern man?

it is certainly questionable?

traces