surreal dreams or reality?.. and the case of the stabbed heart....

I always have vivid dreams.. always have (hopefully - because what would life be without them?) always will! Even so, recentley my dreams have taken a far more obvious turn. My daily life is all too apparent. Every night without fail my dreams are heavily linked to my reality providind a macabre twist on the real and presenting the worrying question of why? ... Is my brain fnding the every day too hard to handle? or is my conscious and subconscious intertwining evermore into a world filled of madness.
Anyway mostly these dreams have been interesting/ disturbung / odd but perhaps usual/ handleable / not that affecting but one of them is sending my mind on a turn for the worst. This however may not be the dreams fault but the reality. ..
Ok so now for the case of the stabbed heart. I live very near an extrememlet large sainsbury's and visit it nearly every day. There is an archway that you walk through to get to it. I walk through this archway normally battling heaps of people, tramps, rain... ok it is not the nicest of places but a couple of day ago I was walking through and there on the grate beside me was a heart. A very large real hear onnected to several other organs from god knows what. It lay on the gate dripping blood looking like this great heaving mes and in the centre sicking up out of it was a knife, a silver knife. Now the heart didn't suprise mett much thre are llotsof halal butcer around and I frequently see trucks full of carcsses and here the meat knives grinding bones. All teh same it was a stomach churning view and I quickly hurried by hoping it would be cleared up. However, this image is haunting me! The next day it was still there (yesterday) and I seemed to be the only one that noticed it, a big puddle of bloody rain around it. It seems so symbolic, the question is raised is it really symbolic? Is this a message? Who knows but to me it seems an incredibly bad omen!
Anyway last night was a tough one. The fire alarms jammed and they wouldn't sto. My sleep was broken and frequent and I had many dreams all obviously connected to my day. The wierdest and most haunting however was one hard to describe. I was in a world though surrounded by vains and throbbing muscles and membranes thy wher alive and swallowing peopleup. Thehart ws spreading with all it's sinewy tissue everywhere and was a thing of great fear. Cannibals reighned and people walked about like zombies. I was on some kind of quest that I cannot remember clearly but one things for sure. This heart is affecting me. I can't go to sainsbury's, I cant stop thinkning about it, I feel contantly nervous sick and on the edge and have a strong sense of impending doom. I am even beginning to question whether it was ever actually there?
.... After all impailed hearts wouldn't exactly be all that alien to me. My art having a strong link which I do not fully understand....

point of view

My lack of understanding makes me angry.
I want to know everything.
I want to see why and how and know where.
I am not sure whether i am angry with myself for not having the ability to understand, with the world for not teaching me or with the thing that I can't understand... why the fuck do they / it ... have to be like that?
It makes me screw up inside... i want to let my lack of understanding out.
It seems this is impossible becuase I don't understand.

Is my future as beautiful as you?
..and as ugly?