Guilt

Filling the void

Putting yourself in danger

Sucking your soul dry

Time for change?

Or is this just starvation?

Am I guilty or just making myself feel guilty?

Guilty... of self destruction.

All the endless possibilities of what could have happened. Just to know. Can someone tell me what fucking happened. Because it is the chance of it not being ok that is killing me. I am not that desperate. I just want love too much. Real fucking your in it can't live without it love. That is why I am dead.

Addiction

I am addicted to sex.
I am addicted to love.
I am addicted to being loved.
I am addicted to people.
I am addicted to exercise.
I am addicted to alcohol.
I am addicted to parties.
I am addicted to sleep.
I am addicted to routine.
I am addicted to drama.
I am addicted to emotion.
I am addicted to control.
I am addicted to destruction.
I am addicted to you.
I am addicted to me.

Some of these are more abstract than others.
Some are more serious.
They all play with each other.
Maybe this means things are better... Addiction with compromise?

I don't know.
It is hard.

banned

I am sex obessed... I have been banned from sex
I drink to make myself fel better... I cannot drink
Smoking is an alternative... No cigrettes
Coke keeps me going... No more caffeine

Damn this illness but I need to get better...can I rise to the challenge?
Hopefully I only need a couple of days?
But of course I can... I'm not that bad am I?