Playing God: Deitism: Motherism: Creationalism: Genesism - The transcendence of self

To be an artist is to be God?
The act of creation is in my power. As an artist my role to continually create. A sense of "giving birth" with my hands, my mind, my eyes and my soul. Is this a power I need to learn to grasp and control or is the energy infinite? Is this my own God delusion? By God I mean in the broadest sense of the word. Perhaps. But ..maybe this still is something all more human. It comes back to being a nymph or maybe just the power of being a girl. The passing on of my energy. The beginning of something unknown? The birth of potential? A parent to what... an idea?  Maybe this is my legacy.. what I leave on. The purpose to life is creation and the artist is the ultimate creator. The fulfilment of life or the power of being. As a "god" my creation has free will... to exist in the world as it itself intends. I ignite the potential. Maybe reach some kind of transcendence or eternal existence as the shadow of my creation leaves its mark on something to be found somewhere forever. As I become my art I become not only the creator but the creation. The purpose of myself to create existence and then the art JUST TO EXIST? Again just "TO BE".
I am an energy. "GOD" is an energy. Art is an energy. You are GOD.
                                                         This is just my continual search to try and understand.

Eros

Let us all be wounded by Eros' arrow and fall passionately, deeply and desperately in love.

A Quote:

"They do not love that do not show their love. The course of true love never did run smooth.
Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. Their is no evil angel but love."

.... LONG LOVE SHAKESPEARE ... the greatest lover of them all.


... my love band of the moment.

That is it for now. Nothing profound. Happy Valentines.
I am ill ill ill... but forever in love
xxx

The point

I'm strugglin with the point, the purpose to it all. I need some kind of enlightenment some kind of reason otherwise everything just is nothing. I can't just live an die trying to fill my time with some kind of self fulfilling or reasuring purpose, price, gratitude or importance.
I'm painting and it is dead... I feel like I am in playschool. Art is just this human creation fulfilling some kind of blue peter importance. Artits what are artists? ... Political ? Social? ... what is the point!
Politics is just this humanistic imposed nothingness giving people importance or reason.. it fills lives with numbing substance that means nothing! Pointless wasted time to fulfill our cracking society. Society is wasted . . .
We lost track of Survival.. but then what is even the point of that. We all die in the end. We created our purpose , our need for life and we are all so fucking DESPERATE.
So we our born to spawn to keep the process gonig over again and again ..but why... why bother? What a shitty mess! ... The world's dying and all sense is gone . Just a grey mess of false hopes and expectations to keep us going!
Ijust need some kind of reason. Otherwise we are bloodless creatures mimicking some kind of ridiculous living that isn't really living but a story book.