The genesis of art extended...

Can this "creationism" in art be extended and used to the purpose of the fulfilment of the meaning of life? If we create a world of infinite possibility and an everlasting "image" or something thats purpose is to exist can this replace our need to fulfil ourselves through the eternal battle of "survival"? Maybe "artist" can be extended to human and with our power to create some sort of genesis - through the act of genesis (whatever that may be involving) we do not all have to exist solely for the purpose of  the continuation of the of the human race but indeed for the continuation of some other futile subject. We as the create can choose to extend ourselves in any kind of creation through the passing on of energy. If we will play our own God and create our worlds own future with any kind of purpose "to be" maybe the role of human can change - on some sort of level - and we wont all be battling for inevitable (Our population is huge) personal survival in human living, breathing, form but just the survival of a part of our soul.

Playing God: Deitism: Motherism: Creationalism: Genesism - The transcendence of self

To be an artist is to be God?
The act of creation is in my power. As an artist my role to continually create. A sense of "giving birth" with my hands, my mind, my eyes and my soul. Is this a power I need to learn to grasp and control or is the energy infinite? Is this my own God delusion? By God I mean in the broadest sense of the word. Perhaps. But ..maybe this still is something all more human. It comes back to being a nymph or maybe just the power of being a girl. The passing on of my energy. The beginning of something unknown? The birth of potential? A parent to what... an idea?  Maybe this is my legacy.. what I leave on. The purpose to life is creation and the artist is the ultimate creator. The fulfilment of life or the power of being. As a "god" my creation has free will... to exist in the world as it itself intends. I ignite the potential. Maybe reach some kind of transcendence or eternal existence as the shadow of my creation leaves its mark on something to be found somewhere forever. As I become my art I become not only the creator but the creation. The purpose of myself to create existence and then the art JUST TO EXIST? Again just "TO BE".
I am an energy. "GOD" is an energy. Art is an energy. You are GOD.
                                                         This is just my continual search to try and understand.

Ethics in art: What it means to be a good artist? I just have to speak the truth.

What does it mean to be a "good" artist? I don't really think ethics is relevant.
If we think or believe that we are all (or should be)  morally structured and built in some pre - destined, generic and good way then to be a "good" artist can be a desire or an aim whatever "good" may mean? If we have a universal and internal demand to be "good" is this relevant to our practise? Is art part of the "ethical experience" and does this even exist? What if ones main goal is not to protect life?
   For me art can't really be given any ethical reasoning or at least any ethical responsibility. That is "my art" cannot. Art can be what it wants so there are no rules... I don't really want to protect any ethical cause or moral code with what I consider to be the most selfish part of my soul. Art can be "good" and it can "'do good" but first and foremost art just is. The art is just hanging there in space - because it's purpose is to exist  - this is not my desire to appeal to or help "the other human face" but a selfish internal drive disregarding of traditional morals or ethics. My art is born from a desire to exercise my mind, body and soul - a way to push everything out. I don't think the artist within us has a responsibility to the moral world. Wouldn't that be too pretentious?
  Yes art can focus on moral issues - we can be political, revolutionary, make a point, show a belief but art doesn't have to do any of this. And even if it tries it doesn't have to do it RIGHT. I'm pretty sure art can also be "bad" and who says it shouldn't be. Art is about a truth. The artist might disturb, be called sick, whatever... we never said we were going to do what our parents wanted. Our minds don't necessarily have to comply with what is considered humanly right. Morals are a bit stuck in the mud. Saying an artist should have an ethical responsibility could mean anything from they have to focus on recycling to spreading the "word of GOD!" Aren't we meant to be opening our minds. If i ditch convention I have to ditch ethics. Not to be evil or wrong. Just to absorb the world and learn things again. To be amoral means not to judge and we are all full of human faults. An artist doesn't have to hide them?
  Being ethical would surely mean tackling the big issues but wouldn't that make me a bit full of my own self importance. I don't even think I have a right to begin sharing things I don't fully understand. All I can project is my mind and what I see. I don't know whether that is "good".
  If "good" is a form of morality - this "goodness" cannot be responsible in the role of artist. We are not searching for completeness for the right reasons. Artists are selfish - not "bad" or "good". I make art. That is my role. . . but i could be doing something more "right!".
  All I am getting at is the truth. That is what I believe. My truth isn't necessarily yours.

Past, present, future?

I just want to get away from everything.
I am going to crawl in to a box and never get out.
I AM in a box and there is no way out.
Humanity is fucked up.

I used to think I was stronger than this.
I was stronger than this.
I used to think there was a reason why I was obliged to be stronger than this.
That it was right to carry on?
I just don't think there is any point in it anymore.
Whats the point in being strong and moving on, in putting the shit behind you, in fighting, in not letting it get to you - because it doesn't get better.
We are never going to win against this thing called "life".
I don't know why I would keep on going apart from to survive. To live an existence.
I don't want to exist. Exist for what? For the shit and the dirt. Just to be another fucked up human being in a
crumbling, futile world.
Not for this.

I can't get away from myself.
I can't get away from everyone else.
I don't want to be full of this hate.
And so so so so so tired of waiting for it to STOP.

My memory is torturing me.
The present is tiring.
The future is not going to be any better.

Portraits of you in pieces and destroyed ( that doesn't exist anymore)

The memories are not intact. The dissection apparent. Lobotomy of the part of my mind that was with you. it doesn't matter anymore. The purpose of the portrait is complete. 

The point

I'm strugglin with the point, the purpose to it all. I need some kind of enlightenment some kind of reason otherwise everything just is nothing. I can't just live an die trying to fill my time with some kind of self fulfilling or reasuring purpose, price, gratitude or importance.
I'm painting and it is dead... I feel like I am in playschool. Art is just this human creation fulfilling some kind of blue peter importance. Artits what are artists? ... Political ? Social? ... what is the point!
Politics is just this humanistic imposed nothingness giving people importance or reason.. it fills lives with numbing substance that means nothing! Pointless wasted time to fulfill our cracking society. Society is wasted . . .
We lost track of Survival.. but then what is even the point of that. We all die in the end. We created our purpose , our need for life and we are all so fucking DESPERATE.
So we our born to spawn to keep the process gonig over again and again ..but why... why bother? What a shitty mess! ... The world's dying and all sense is gone . Just a grey mess of false hopes and expectations to keep us going!
Ijust need some kind of reason. Otherwise we are bloodless creatures mimicking some kind of ridiculous living that isn't really living but a story book.