Show

Watching someone lie there
Leg sticking out from under the big red bus
Life sunken in to the tarmac.
Smashed window screen.
I wonder what mangles  breath has escaped that limp body.
That means nothing.
I don't know whether this makes me feel anything.
Life gone. Is gone somewhere and I can't absorb it.
That screaming girl.
Am I just cold or is the sickness hidden away?
I push it to the back of empty ness and yes I can't get the image out of my head.
You could have been wonderful.
Why do people stare?
This is not a show.

Parasite

My swollen stomach protrudes sordid and dirty throbbing from the rasping rakish ribs.
What shape is bulging from my body in some kind of truth
Or hint at reality?
The rest of me withered and withdrawn.
Sucked from flesh into the cavernous centre as it swells and stinks.
Pain pushing outward.
Some creature born within hosts itself
Latched on to my soul. My life not it it its.
I feel this thing drain my blood
As its bulbous laugh lunges and staggers around.
Swimming in stained sensuous lies
I know not what it is or do not care to have something drain my body.
If I could latch leeches and lure it out
I would but never to understand.
Just to be released.
My legs buckle as tension tightens around
My throat and stops me from swallowing.
Stumbling at every step I still do not expect this to be here.
My breath does not feel like my lungs
They cannot bear to breathe this foul dirty air anymore.
Detachment is the key.
Ignorance is everything.
If I could rip out its heart I would and therefore feel weightless.

Beginning again... for everyone.

This formidable mecca stands before me.
Towering from this concrete craned city
The sunlight bathes it is a holy light.
Cathedral to my world.

My artist does not belong in this fashion queue.
I mouse squeak.
I mouse scowl.

The sky is bigger than reality.
Grey shining slabs of lighted stone reach out.
Squares of vastness
Squares of symmetry and structure and sameness.

This vat of creative energy potentially excites my beginning.
There is no fire.
The writing is wrong.
This will be a beginning.
To escape mouse?
To swim . see.

I know how to start but the finish line is far far away.
This sun is standing above this temple and I am wondering what will become.
Waiting and wasting is not the point.
The point is what is in my mind.

Cenrtal St Martins.
Kings Cross.
2011.

Raven girl

She's so sad and her bodies not moving.
Locked in her room cos her minds going crazy.
Her raven hair is shining
But her pale skin is starving.
Hidden in the darkness.
Sunken lightness.
She is so special
But she doesn't know it.
I see her music moving through her rigid elbow
Leaking from her soul.
Sound fills her world but it's all blacked up.
Draw up our love and keep fighting back.
Sun fading backwards fast through the clouds in her room.
Her large hazel eyes hold so much strung up.
Your tender and gentle I see al your fear.
Girl your so blessed but I can't get in.
Your feelings messed up
China doll you put out so strong.
Just let out whats wrong.
Your lips are quivering under red paint. Ruby red.
The girl without finger tips.
Cut off lock of hair.
Don't cry little sister.
Not without letting it go.
Run with the notes and play with the keys.
Feel the fresh air and escape to wild sea.
Follow the river.
Music run free.

SwanSong

Dappled light plays chords
Swimming swirling patterns on
The skulking listless lake.
She gazes out into mystery.
Her kissless lips seek
Uncomforting rays.
She longs for what she lost far far away.
She lost because it does not exist without her loosing her freedom.
Her feet trapped in entrancement
Beating and binding
Pointing and punctuating the uncomfortable stillness.
Her jerking neck stretching out to the remaining hopeless sun.
Bare skin.
Bare skin.
Exposed to the breeze and the shadows of the crippled trees
Watching and waiting
Whispering to the muddied earth.
She longs to love or be loved.
To feel her feathered wing to be free
To be loved by something beautiful.
Her wildness catches her breath as she swirls and sways.
Her poor madness longing and lusting for touch.
She sings wailing wishes to the watery world.
The world that holds the deep dark desires
Where fished conspire to eat and gnaw at her feelings alive.
She flairs her arms as the gasp at last life.
To feel this bound up
Last fight and flight from the such strife.
The devils last whispers of temptation and fear cast spells on her senses.
Her very last tear.

Her shoes wont stop dancing an emotional death.
Her eyes wont stop streaming
Oceans silently falling
Her turning and kicking
Dancing music of sighing.
The wind in the rushes
The doom in the sky
The love that she feels
Such a burning desire.
A furnace an explosion
Her heart burning up
To die for the love
Of an ephemeral ghost.
A moment of dreaming
To dance not alone.
The drinking of truth from her spirit by God
Her swan is a symbol
A prison of life.
She sinks into deepness
The playing doesn't stop.
Her breath failing
And stopping
Not gasping for life.
She lets herself float higher and higher.
No fighting her fate as she falls darker and darker.
Her mind is the clearest
She knows what she loves
To die for this beauty
The beauty of HER love.

Painting in petals of the past

Stalk as dry as her cracking brittle bones
Scraping at the corners of the air,
Scratching the rim of the replacement vase.
The cold shiny steel sucking the stained roses red bloodless life.
Their fragile state holds time
Moves place.
The transient shadow cast on the new greying wall wavers hitting cold damp air,
Floating through dimmed window shattered plate, pane of glass,
Bladed past.
One petal remains.
Hanging on as if clinging to some purity lost in new found innocence.
White overpowered by sordid bleeding blight.
These roses are old and belong to a different me.
There is a pink to the grisly rain and these emblems need to run free.
The petals in my palm shiver on the wind as they scatter into the swirling sea.
The earth takes on a new form
Painting patters of pain that is, that are, too pretty to see.
Sinking deeper and darker the gentle flash fades away.
Waves of pleasure hit and eb and flow in new found ecstasy of my lost found mind.

Pink daze

In the pink dress
She hovers floating above the sea
An ephemeral future.
My dreams are all the time
If only they could fill all the grey and  stop to breathe.
Reality doesn't matter to my soul but it inflicts my body.
If I could escape the monotonous daze.
The repetitive repetition of existence.
The over and over and over and over of the pointless
Materiality of empty existence.
Time flows and is wasting the thinking
Freedom tied and bound and suffocated in the lesser mundane
Life running through wasted water.
Ged rid of this burden.
Society sells the sun to the soulless.
And be free.

Obvious

Smoke and water in the electric streets
The umbrellas blow your mind.
Mutant skin sticks to sodden sky
The snake wont bite you because it has lost its eye
Shed its scales in dystopia
Puddles piss pools of stars.
The money doesn't matter anymore
The vision is counting down
The yellow mackintosh absorbing air.
Guns blow holes in your heart
The doll feels everything.

Swansong 1

She sings her last note
A sigh of shivering breath
Angry fragility
Bursting energy burning to the end
Majestic purity
No stop.
Unrequited beauty
Romanticism of nothingness
It is all in those beautiful arms
Wild freedom free wings
Pulsing musicality
To be alone
Dying alone.
The notes of solitude sing in her feet.

Wanting it

Sitting under the moon in the middle of this bright day.
Nothing is right.
I want to be up in the sky with you.
Waiting is what is so hard.
I just can't help feeling like this isn't proper life.
I am not quite at the start yet.
But how to make it happen?
Fear is killing me.
How to let go?
Be amongst the stars.
God, I want it enough!

Violet eyes

What closed hearts we have.
Who truly understands themselves and tells how they truly are?
To say I feel
Or to act the way they know?
To see your tears -
The one who knows my little limbs and shone into those violet eyes.
Violet eyes - first sight was you.
To say I know you!
But to know the world...
Give it all to you in an instant,
You gave it to me.
Please stop and see
Your good heart.
My breathe would not exist without your blood
Yet your heart set fire to my mind.
Remember painting the sky?
The wind can save you.
Time for us three.

You make me more than cry

The star boy in my mind smiles on sound.

Silence glistens as my fractured brain feels whole.

What imagination I must have had to make him live and still the ghost remains?

A spectre of hope – it haunts me.

I cry when I feel what I have lost yet I do not know whether it ever even existed.

The story was there.

Fairytale fiction that found my heart and fixed my thoughts and made me feel free.

Freedom that slowly suffocated my shadow and changed from light to dark in an instant.

Beautiful boy with that pretty face and perfect body that fits just right and closes this space,

In my dreams you still stay,

One day, one day...

One day I will find you and the world will be the right colour again.

To feel found I have to say goodbye.

I miss the kiss. Tears fill my eyes because

I miss the kiss and my face tenses up.

Choking body.

I feel so angry at not knowing what or how or why I feel or why you fucking did this?

Choking frustration at you making this silly little girl so vile.

I want it to be ok.

Live the life...

But we planned so different.

I was the one that believed it. A fault so faultless.. I wish I could be like that again.

I just can't help but hate you.

That star boys ignorance.

You make me more than fucking cry.

Museum

In the museum
We stand as RELICS
Watched by those remnants of the past.
Ageless


Priceless
SUBSTANCE


There eyes see so much?
Stone eyes.
Jewel eyes.
Secret eyes.
No eyes.


We are the oddities?
We are categorised and stored.
Our individuality arranged and seen.
Time has been so       long.


These gods and goddesses.
Saints, serephins. Share your secrets...
I wish I could open my eyes and see your stories. Instead I have to
close THEM.
I. We are just flesh.
You live. You see the heart of the world in time.

Dinosaur

If I was a dinosaur
I would RAWR and RAWR all day.
Stamp and stomp and stamp and stomp
Scare all the rest away...
... My teeth would gnash and gnaw on meat
Crush all the small below my feet.
But underneath that fearsome grin
My smile would still be full of fun
Playing in the midday sun
Splashing in the clear blue sea
Oh dinosaur I am so free!

Me and my CAMERA...

Film made in a couple of days whilst on residency at Trinity Buoy Wharf


Up against the wall; Down a dark alley from Elizabeth Ophelia Alice Rose on Vimeo.

Choked up

When the lights stop flickering

You are left with nothing but the howling waves and thrashing wind.
The nature is violent but it is where I belong.
Not locked up in this
Caved
Ceiling
Choking
Cell.
Prisoned.


        Prisoned.
                 Prisoned in windows and reflections.


I am locked in the droplets of water you can no longer see because they are engulfed by the storm.
Lost in cracks and crevices
In crumbling walls.
Keep walking down the tunnel.


Keep on walking.
There is NO END






This water will have you trapped.


She is not doing it on purpose but in this desolate place it is so easy to get sucked up into time.
Time that you can’t put your finger on because it goes back further than the beginning of the universe.
Start before the ancient myth began.
Poseiden didn’t exist without the sprays that she controls.
I laugh.


I laugh.


I laugh at you.


I laugh out of pity because it is all held inside her heart.
She can’t.
          I can’t even understand because the re-incarnation of her history hasn’t come into play yet.
I know something.
But not everything.

The lock on the truth is fear.


She haunts your eyes.
Her eyes haunt you.
Her eyes are haunted.


Her power is lost in her frail body.
The scream too strong.
Screaming wind is too choked up inside her chest - her limbs - her head .
Dancing. Jerking. Swaying.
Stillness.
Beat upon beat upon beat upon beat
Drum
Drum
Death
Drum.

This life is ephemeral but the truth transcendent.
In this dark room I remember the white light of the past.
Another time when she looked with different eyes.
On different things.
Different bodies.
Different minds.
Different fragile hearts.
The thing is - You want to save her.
She doesn’t need saving.

That is you.

The rapture

Engulfed in blood thirsty painting
The end is the beginning
Red fire  and gold stars are the start of the s.eduction.
We didn't believe and we still aren't going to.
Ancinet myth means nothing in  this modern lost world.
Time is just a measurement,
Where is the consistency in that?
The scale is no longer important.

Pheonix born again in flames.
This is life.
I am not sitting waiting for stopping or dreading my own destiny.
Whether written or unwritten our fate is lost in the folds of the universe.
Our hands don't belong on the decision,
They never will but that doesn't stop us from choosing which direction to breathe.
Wasting my youth is your needing..
My wildness my heartbeat!
Mistakes just actions and I can't choose to regret when the future looks fucked.
Not that I believe.
What's the point?
That is a joke.

We want to live forever and we will.
At least in fairytales.

Things have changed

Things have changed
Past still there
But futures different
Looking at you sleeping
Doesn't feel quite right
Not that I don't love you
It is just I'm not sure I care.
A year older.
I feel like I have aged.
The lights aren't turn on
Just the electricity is dim
Skies aren't silver
Not the warmth from within.
I'd lay down my life to protect you my child.
No more earthquakes and stars in the sky.
Life is too short to ask myself why?
It is not that I am running
I love you I do
But life is to great and living too fast
I can't take the chains
My heart is too free
Don't say I am weak
Forever in your arms
My mind grounded
My wings in the stars.

The Mermaid

The mermaid
Silver vision
Ephemeral sapphire sea
Swimming in darkness she steals the world...
Fantasy?
Fiction in the eyes of the beholder
This beauty bathed in waves
She sings for eternity
No reason to doubt if you can believe
Down there in the deep she can reveal the light
Myth or madness - she has your heart
Transcend the earth and you can live
Step in to the ocean and become
Float free with these waved
Become full of current and crave love
Water whirls
Hold it in your heart
Diamond dream.

Old Man

Old man living lost inside your poor sleeping head.
Old man lying frail in your hospital bed.
Wires coming in and wires coming out.
Blood pouring in and pain pouring out.

Strong fighting man never forgotten.
Memories of men still remain.
I listen to your giggle,
childlike cries.
Your life almost over what "Life" still stays?

I can't bear this.
It isn't right.
Keep fighting. For what?
Simply for fight!

Young once.
We say "What a shame!"
Loved by many.
Still loved the same.

Pray forever that the end is near.
If only we could but the end is fear.

To just drift of in peace instead of this pain.
But so scared that this life is just lost  "tears in rain".

Your life lives so much better than mine.
Tell your stories trapped in your weakening brain.
I am so young so scared of age.
If you really knew about me would you be ashamed?

We are all so worried.
Mean thoughts mean't well - wishing for the end.
Tears in mum's eyes suck up dry.
Her strength remains.
Please don't cry.

Everything so endless.
Tired old man.
Death so confusing,
Your still fighting the facts.

Is this it ?
All thats left?
Is the end nothing?
Empty something?

Cared for like a baby,
Father turned son.
Continuing cycle.
Eternal sun.

Bloodied tissues.
Humiliating sighs.
Will the world give you mercy?
Weary old man.