the mean reds...

"Listen...you know those days when you get the mean reds?"
"The mean reds? You mean like the blues?"
"No... the blues are because you're getting fat or because it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?"


Some days are just like that. You can;t control how your feel or why. Everyhing seems grey. And red is how you feel. At the moment my future is out of my hands. I know something will sort itsef out. Everyhing has a destiny but right now it is so important. Right now I really want to go to CSM. There;s nothing I can do. I just have to wait. Three whole long days. Constant distraction, tension, everything just seems wrong. Not fear. Just the unknown. What do I say? What will be my plan?

.. Right now I just want it so badly.
Please