Friday 29 April 2011

When I grow up I want to be a princess.

Ok it has been the day we have all been waiting for (or as most of us would have you believe - not waiting for.) I am no better than the next person. Everyone has been grumbling about how they don't care. . . Romance is dead?! But what an amazing event!
Kate looked absolutely beautiful. There is no doubt that the dress was perfect for the occasion (ok not everyone's choice - not mine - but for her and for the royal ceremony it was stunning). She looked dignified and beautiful. A true princess. Sarah Burton did absolutely fantastically!
Prince William looked.. well silly! But he is a Prince and it is not his fault he is growing more identical to Charles by the day!
I am still not a Royalist. And yes in reality the hype is ridiculous. I didn't even watch all the ceremony but to be part of this day is something.
No body can fail to be swept away from the magic of marriage today. All i wanted when I was younger was to be a princess. A very different kind of princess but all the same, today has been any girls dream.



Simply stunning!





Boy

Poor little boy.
Why do you need to lie?
Lost little boy.
Why didn't you see it right?
Sick little boy.
Did you really think it would work out the way you planned?
Time can't change -
You should be traveling amongst the stars
If only you could stop fighting with yourself?
Do you know yourself or is it me that doesn't know you?
I do!
The darkness crept on and even the moon was blocked out
The skin was too thin
Blue veins run with jealousy
Let go.
Let go.
Stop little boy.
Little boy don't cry.

Thursday 28 April 2011

hazy days

I have gone off buying clothes...
1. they are generally too expensive
2. there is too much choice
3. you loose your style definition
4. I have not enough room for them
5. I hate shopping
6. We are just fuelling the capitalist obsessed society (ok .. i don't want another financial collapse (but hey))
7. I like saving money
8. Buying , buying, buying really doesn't fill the boredom gap!
9. Clothes do not make my life worth while

Whenever I do go shopping I find myself only browsing sale sections (mainly because it lessons the vast and ridiculous choice) and even then thinking - that is nice, that is nice, that is nice but I can't be bothered to by anything. So many clothes are pointless trash. End of.
Don't get me wrong.. if someone said to me " Have Topshop as you wardrobe... go on.. have anything every day" I wouldn't object. There are endless things I like. The unique collection is amazing but at the end of the day. I can;t afford everything and one more item isn't going to make my life.

BUT
Whilst contemplating that I might only buy and wear one outfit a year from Vivienne Westwood e.t.c.  there are still items that make my heart beat faster and clothes that still make me feel really good. This is one of them:




I appreciate I am an awful poser but the dress is beautiful and perfect for summer. I love the colour and I feel like a fairy. Summer is coming and I want to be free again.

Dress £70 from Topshop courtesy of my wonderful mother.

Looking forward

She searches for something too small to
                                                  hold.
Timeless tension.
If only to know
   To see
        To hold.
A whispering echo of memories
or moments in rain.
Dancing dreams

Rhythm
     runs in remnants of smiles.
Smiles or tears. Who  knows?
Lost far away down a small stream
Shrouded street?
Still
She
Searches. Searches for souls?

Or something?
Precious pearl!
Shimmering sound of the sun.
Tears fall in silent surrender

Not that the hope has gone.
                                 Or the belief?
                                 Just the time.
The tiny imprint of precious space that joined the stars...
  

Wednesday 27 April 2011

Phoenix

My brains are burning in the desert
My skin blistering, grating, bloody grin.
My mind is boiling and broiling twisted in the midday sun.
Lying in a coma; paralyses from my heart.
The slow way to die...
Can't end in twisted cries.
Maybe if I burn the outside off i will find the inside again.
You lost my mind.
Whimpering little girl. She shouldn't be in the heat. But this will dry up the tears.
Sweat out the weakness. Soak up the pathetic snivels. Be cool again.
Red
Raw
Ruin
My bleeding head will be cured this way.
Drain it dry.
Crack the skin and be born again.
Phoenix

Is Tropical at Heaven (kitsune party)



Is Tropical at Heaven on Sunday night were also amazing! I have seen them play live before at Field day when I loved them.. but now I love them even more. There performance was darker and more thrilling. I am loving the sound. The electronics are amazing. I can't wait for there new album.


... this video in not very good quality ( I rarely post live things because of this) but you can get a feel for the awesome lighting.

Tuesday 26 April 2011

My new best friend...


This is my magical rainbow star pony that Alex bought for me for a £1 today. I have named her Asta (meaning star like; love) and she is amazing. She is causing me much joy. To me she is real. .. and vintage (1983) . I like the simple things in life. I never want to grow up. 

I love to dance





Photos taken by Wataru Fukaya at Shabba-dabba-da.
I love te movement, energy and colour.

Sunday 24 April 2011

Sexy Sushi at The Playground

These guys were absolutely awesome live last night at The Playground.
Amazing performance. Live is the way to go.

Saturday 23 April 2011

Thursday 21 April 2011

Fountain

The water tumbles in joyful spasms.
            Idiosyncratic waves of reflection.
Funnel. Tap.
Not known why but this water is a world of something else.
We gather and congregate around these monuments
                  as if to fill us with a hint of the spring of
life.
Violent splashes still soothe in the mid day sun.
Green envy is not something I tend to feel,
          Especially for the emotionless...
But
This water us free,
yet freedom is constrained
as it is funnelled
    and forced
upwards then to choose its own natural form and then
          
escape the world.

Who cared for I am happy?
Circles appear before my eyes and calmness emulates.

Wednesday 20 April 2011

A little bit of sun

Winter is some dark cloud and I can't crawl out of that hole.
Summer sun is a glimpse of what can be.
Light streaming through windows marks out hope.
The future is great.
Busy people can step out and breathe.

We loose ourselves.

Sighing swathed in light we sing.
My eyes can open again.
My heart knows its path.
Fly away.
Fly into now.





Riding through this glimpse of summer
My darkness is hinting at light.
Out of that pit that seemed so endless
This new light is wonderful.
Singing to the music.
What music?
This music.
My heart is free again
My mind is open and
Blue skies make me want to live new again.
Live not for the night or the stars or the darkness
But for this blinding day!
God you are so beautiful.
I just want to laugh.

Tuesday 19 April 2011

Birthday tarts for the the queen of hearts. :)

Happy Birthday to my wonderful, beautiful sister Eleanor.
She is 17 today and we had a great time together picknicking and eating cake in patisserie valerie :)
Eleanor as always looked stunning and sophisticated, I on the other hand massively failed as I frogot to pack my outfit and had to wear my sweaty gym clothes. Oh well there is more to life than jumpsuits and the sun certainly made up for it.
I wonder what she wished for?


My present

make a wish
wished...

I do like a nice bit of eclair :)




... for all the times I had to endure the Simpson's when I lived at home and Eleanor ruled the TV. BIG LOVE

Monday 18 April 2011

hippie dialects

Another must see exhibition is the Nathaniel Mellors solo exhibition currently on at the ICA. It is absolute genius! I was spell bound (again) and absolutely inspired! Art for Art's sake and art for absolute hilariousness (if that is a word).
The exhibition consists of episodes from a sitcom created by Mellors called "Ourhouse".  It is brilliantly filmed and brilliantly written. About a mad hippie household it is just completely outlandish and wonderful.  the actors are brilliant and wow wow wow. I can't wait until the whole series has been filmed and I can watch them all. It made me sooo happy. And .. no ... there was nothing "deep" about it.



  "Hippie Dialects" is also a hilarious sculpture based upon one of the characters. It is all just brilliant. :) Go see..



Combining art, drama, writing and film. I <3

Sunday 17 April 2011

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/ElizabethFlynn

This exhibition saved my life (or at lease my love!)...

"Friedrich Kunath: The most beautiful WORLD in the WORLD"
at Hoxton Square (15th April - 4th June 2011) quite possible changed my life. It was another one of those moments (again) when something just clicks and what you are doing at that very time means SO much. It is beautiful. I can't say how it has saved everything but it has. Just the atmosphere?
I must say I was very impressed with the exhibition as a whole. I loved it. I am not saying I loved the art though. Yes some of it was brilliant I couldn't stop staring or listening but it isn't my normal sort of thing. I like the normal white space but it has black walls and a brown carpet? White Cube? ! No!
I just think the art is so right. So human. So touching. We love. We loose. We are alone. We see beauty. We see joy. We learn. We are alone. We remember. We forgive. .We see. We are alone. We reject. We are rejected. We see beauty. We see pain. We are alone. Solitude can be beautiful.

 I was sitting on a sofa (in the exhibition) and I started crying. At first it was pain but then I started noticing things hearing things and these beautiful words seemed to come out of nowhere. They expressed everything. I stayed sitting. ... till the exhibition closed and I was asked to leave but I left calm, happy, motivated, clear and inspired.

SUMMER IS NEARLY HERE.

Upstairs there is a boy gazing out of a window at stars. We are so small. The world is so beautiful. This exhibition was completion.

Friday 15 April 2011

A story of a city

Sitting in the dark, the walls wallowed in her misery. A crack in the corner caressed the foul odour of her stale tears. The starless sky beckoned at her heart as she stared stuck in solitude out of her dusty window.
  She no longer knew what she wanted - or she wanted nothing. Everything had been lost. She had been completely devoured by her heart. Memories taunted her as if to deliberately remind her of what she had lost. She had felt so whole and so, so very free. For the first time in her life she had felt she was not alone; her soul had been complete. This was in the past. 
   The street lamps cast an ugly light on the greasy rotten street below; the street below that had become her life. The street where she had spent the only time she could ever remember joy. 
  She got up, took a few tender steps to the door. One. Two. Three. her body wasn't working right. Too drained of life but still she forced herself on. All she wanted was to get out there and attempt some kind of new freedom or at least end this prisoners existence. Nobody came anymore. She used to eagerly wait. Waiting to here his footsteps as they ran up the dirty stairway. Now they were empty of any noise. Sometime her heart still skipped a beat as she imagined she heard something; What evil hope teased her. Nothing ever came. 
 One foot in front of the other she levered herself down the stairs. A few more steps to go. She pushed her way outside on to the squalid street and stood for a second. The air stung at her skin. London was no place for her anymore. She began to run. The pain didn't feel like anything anymore. Faster and faster bare footed along the filthy bloodstained pavement she flew. Clarity filled her mind and a stream of light reeled her path. She was sure she was following something. Some sort of discovery.
 Onwards she pushed passing once familiar sights and structures. A place that once excited her had become so bland and grey but now there was definitely a light. The sky seemed to fill with stars. Beautiful shimmering stars and she felt as if she was soaring above everything.  A white space filled her mind and sound, glorious sound flooded her ears. Now that place was so so close. 
  When she was a little girl she had believed in fairytales. A year  ago she had believed in fairytales and fairies and life! That had been crushed by blackness. Her reality was coming back to her. She looked down to earth and she saw water. clear water and at the bottom was a beautiful city. The city was unlike anything on earth. It was fresh and clean and uncontaminated by anything human. There were people but they were shining creatures and the looked happy. More than happy. They looked natural. This was where the light was coming from. She just had to reach it. She knew if she could become that pure then she would be really truly free. The city was full of love. Truth, beauty, freedom and love. This was her chance to escape. Shut the door on her past and welcome her eternity. She just had to be strong enough to pass this last door. 
 She glanced back. Blackness. She was running from a horrible storm and there was one way out. It swirled and beckoned. The darkness was still trying to seduce her. Convince her that there was excitement in that cruel world. Then she saw him. Standing there. A slight smile on his pale lips. Standing tall in the middle of the raging winds. Her heart juddered. He whispered. The words reverberating through her body " I will always be here to protect your heart." From there it all became easy.
  I no longer looked backwards but only forwards at what was beyond the water. There I would truly belong. This humanity was all a lie and beyond lay peace. I stood tall and straight for a few moments. One . Two. Three. " I will always love you!" and jumped. Symphonies filled my ears and I knew finally I had found life.

Shabba-Dabba- Da-X- Markz da spot!



Wow the tenth Shabba and I love it more and more. This family are the best family ever.. and everyone is invited :)
Well done for another amazing night and lovely video :)

Thursday 14 April 2011

The Eye

From day to day
Looking
Looking
Looking
Open and see
Disconnect from the body and keep
                             the secret locked inside.
Open and shut
Open and shut
Open and shut

What the glass sees it must hold.
Flashing glimpses 
Hazy murmurs of sin.
White light.
White stark light.

The eye is running being chased by storms or searching for those within rain.
Searching for life?
Don't turn it off
Don't turn it off.
This secret can't be missed.
Precious memories through bloody gauze.
Disconnected eye.

Jewel of separation.
Camera catches what you don't know.

I didn't see
See and act.
Mirror
Mirror 
Mirror

Cracked glass
                         Hedonistic glare
I can't see 
                it anymore
Right or 

Wrong.

Just experience.

Lustful landscape of life?
HA HA YOU MAKE ME LAUGH
Do I ignore the facts and take it in behind the mask…
This obscurity that I don't understand.
Glimpse
              Hidden Glimpse
Eyelash
Skin
Gory scarred skin.

The Eye

Don't shut it
Don't shut it
Don't make me shut out the light.

Erin O'Connor ... and the rest.

This is my fourth day of having gastroentoritis and I am finally beginning to feel a little on the better side. I am hardly ever really properly ill (Like really never ever! ... maybe once every 4 years!) so this has come as a pretty big shock and I really was in a bad way. I have been bed bound and not even able to stand up for a couple of days which is horrible as I hate being lazy and un constructive. Tuesday and Wednesday I spent dazed and confused without the energy to even read or watch television and listen to music... A waste of life. I Learn't nothing... apart from how to cope with illness on your own and what being ill feels like. I also have had a bit of  a crisis with my flat as the boiler has broken and today they came round to turn the water off so now I am stuck inside ill.... with no water! At all .. EEEK.
I will have to cope.
Another set of bad news (which I am actually extremely angry about) ... anyone who has been following my blog will know that my relationship with my father has been quite upsetting. I thought things were picking up but I am devastated to find out (through a third party) that my Aunty has breast cancer and I have not been told (even though I ask after her) even though my father has known for quite some time and she has already started chemotherapy. I am devastated. Of course I care about my aunty and my cousins. How could he think it wan;t important for me to know? I feel embarrassed and humiliated that I haven't written or spoken to them about it! I know my father has issues with talking about "bad things" and accepting things are wrong but this id NOT on. . . especially when my eight year old half sister knows and seems to think it is some kind of joke!
  Anyway a bit of random news (although I feel like a bit of a dirty paparazzi!) ... Today I spotted Erin O'Connor in my gym changing rooms! I went on for a shower as mine is not working and there she was preparing for a personal training session looking pretty shy in the corner. Unfortunately I was naked and just jumped in the shower as quickly as possible but it was cool to see her. She definitely is very tall .. and of course very beautiful!
Some pictures including an illustration by David Downton (favourite illustrator of Fairyality)  :





Monday 11 April 2011

Fine Line




distance.

Who killed Nancy?




Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen

True Love?

It is not worth it.

Saturday 9 April 2011

Black hole

You fucked your little sister when she was way too young to understand. You sucked her innocence away without warning her or stopping to think that what you were doing would cause her to die and bleed her soul of beauty. Her world went black. She used to cry to the stars because the city was grey but now your thirst had fucked out any last light. Her crimson blood lay tied up in bonds of  dark lies and inky shadowy spectres haunted her hell. She didn't understand how this dark snake had managed to swallow her whole and with your vicious blows digested her truth until she didn't want to know anymore. This black hole is endless and there us no chance of lightness. Tunnels of dark gloom stifle her throat and strangle her joy. The sun in pointless. She had nothing left. No return to life away from your mangled cunt.

metaphor?

You shoved your cock down my throat and screwed me till I bled to death choking on your cum.

Thursday 7 April 2011

Pete Doherty at The Heroes Bar

This one was nostalgic.
I wasn't even that excited about it...
Had gone off Pete a bit since his comeback and maybe since I wasn't so young anymore.
But Oh Oh dear. He still has it.
A pretty epic gig! And he still makes me go weak at the knees... (didn't look that bad (compared to what I had built up in my head!)

I was lucky enough to attend a very intimate small gig at the newly opened Heroes bar in Camden.
Pete played a long, coherent and beautiful acoustic set. The atmosphere was wonderful and the crowd very friendly and fun (of course there were the drunken desperate girls but that was probably me a year ago... or maybe me even now if I hadn't been stone cold sober (which is a good thing - I am trying to abstain from these things!)
  Alex took me. I was worried. I didn't know how it would turn out but I can honestly say we had a GREAT time. . . as always he treated me like a princess and I am very happy to say we can remain best of best of best of friends. Unfortunately I got my phone stolen in McDonald's, it  makes me feel pretty tragic... I hadn't had a drop to drink which means I must just be plain stupid.
 
It is refreshing to be in Camden. It is so different from the east and I felt truly happy for the first time in well ... ages. Peaches and Wolf man sat in the corner with some slightly cringey dancers, we got ridiculously sweaty... as you must at a "Pete" gig and suprisingly he was playing by ten and everything went pretty smoothly for me to get the last train home. Wow it was good :)

Some pictures (pretty poor quality) -






Wednesday 6 April 2011

Crime and Punishment

"They wanted to speak, but could not; tears stood in their eyes. They were both pale and thin; but those sick pale faces were bright with the dawn of a new future, of a full resurrection into a new life. They were renewed by love; the heart of each held infinite sources of life for the heart of the other."
           Crime and Punishment, Dostoevsky

Tuesday 5 April 2011

White space (which would be the wrong description)

I am sure I have been dead before. Whether this means I have lived before I don't know? Not that I know what constitutes living?
As I get older I get more disconnected from my past. By my past I mean that time when I didn't yet exist as this body.
Saying it is a memory would be wrong. I don't know what happened. It is the ghost of a feeling you see out of the corner of your eye. Something that makes you or I feel uneasy. It is a noise I can't describe. Like "white" noise but NOT that. It doesn't exist here. So I can't explain the sound. The colour is the same. Stare at a bright light for too long and you see those circles. Circles of light but it is a colour. It isn't that. Like a glare of a glow. Blink too much and you almost see it... but you don't. Or surround yourself with snow and the sun. Any how it is a colour or a light that I can't describe but I know it and I remember it and when I go to this place I know I am living somewhere else.
It doesn't feel nice. It feels tense. Tension. I DON'T like tension.
But whatever it is. It is because it is not in the now.
I am not sure it would feel so bad if I could catch it and stay there. Maybe because it is non existence. Or as close as to that you can get. Because like I said. It is a before or after. An eternity. Not that I know that.
It is like floating through nothing. Not in a body. I can't see my body. And it is more a suspension that a feeling of movement. Or maybe moving too fast to feel it? Or feeling it a bit like when your stomach jumps in a lift. Falling. Falling. Falling.
I am more disconnected now. The day is too busy and my mind too blank or bleak. I can't quite reach my childhood.
I think I used to be able to fly. I am not joking. I just used to be able to lie back and propel myself around. Hovering above the floor always backwards. I seriously believe this and remember it. In my old house. The one I first remember.
I can't do it anymore. I don't know when I stopped . This makes me sad.

Monday 4 April 2011

Gabriel OROZCO at the TATE MODERN


Black Kites 1997

"For me what is important is not what people see in the show.  It is what you see after... how your perception is changed." Gabriel Orozco


I am going to write about the piece above. Just because I can. It is a human skull marked with graphite pencil. The once living, now dead becomes "decorated" by the living. Something natural. Something real.
Orozco sees the skull as an emblem of death. I have been interested in skulls for a long time. I am not sure if I see them as death anymore. Maybe time. Nature. Existence. It is all part of a cycle of the living. Maybe the soul lives on?
I think this is beautiful. I don't know whether it is wrong. What would the person think about having his/her skull drawn on.
It makes me think about the action of living. The life of the being. The life of the artist. What exactly are we trying to achieve?







Brief Time. . . No description involved.

Some moments don't seem to fit.

The happening is so stark that your body hits a block and shudders reaching a flash of light or falls in a fiery frozen flush.Just the briefest time spent with someone and their single action effects your soul with so much meaning.

Stranger singing is no abnormality.

No shock in the voice. It is the coincidence that is so consequential. Voices are eternal. Half the time I don't know what the breath is saying even if the sounds are full of meaning. It does't mean anything. The distance is too great.

Displacement from a particular setting is the disturbing item.
I can't describe what I heard even though I am sure you will find the sounds familiar. It was the timing that mattered and that is far gone. Lost in the past.

One has to ask is this an omen?

Sunday 3 April 2011

Family


I struggle with feeling sad :(
Lonely or alone...
I surround myself with people.
I just hate those moments in between.
I fond myself reaching for my phone.. having to be in contact with someone or 10 people at once ... always.
I hate the evenings.
I need to have plans...

Tonight I am alone.
But I am NOT alone. EVER.
I know I have many people who care about me.
The most important being my
AMAZING family. My family as in my MUM and beautiful SISTER.

They are amongst my best friends.
My very best friends.
I know they will take anything and always support me.
I can talk about anything even if it is shocking.... I want to be there for them and here anything they have to say.
I would drop anything for my family.

It has been hard. I was not exactly easy growing up and still hate HOME... I put them through a lot and am eternally grateful for their love. Living together is not an option but I would not give up my family for anything.

Thank you you wonderful people.
I love you forever. FOREVER... FOREVER.

Saturday 2 April 2011

sickness




Something is underneath

Kiefer - at The White Cube

This time last year I was locked in a secret warehouse in Hackney wearing a boiler suit, rubber gloves and a face mask - rolling out sheets of lead and stripping paper. 
It was a load of fun really but all in the aid of Anselm Kiefer's latest works. There we were working away like slaves whilst the artist rested himself in America. It is funny how some artists choose to work.

Anyway as it turns out the exhibition we were working for is now on at The White Cube in Hoxton Square.  I missed the private view so dragged Tim along yesterday to see how the work turned out. It isn't all of it... Not our work but it was really good to finally see the artists latest vision. 
I personally think it is beautiful and the metal work really interesting.
It is exciting being part of that kind of process.

THE WAVES OF THE SEA AND LOVE
is an eclectic mix of works but obviously linked. 
His work is calming and nostalgic. 
Like the sea

I am not going to write a critic... you should go and see for yourself. 
Anyway a few pictures :