Transcendence
performne by Bill Viola
Thursday 29 April 2010
transcendence
A weightlessness.
A light.
A floating above.
A flicker.
A spirit.
A breath of air.
Is it there?
A power.
An energy.
A burning of fire.
An aura or colour.
Above godliness.
An immortal trace.
The search for transendence;
To be flying lie a bird or a storm
To leave the rund n run or haunt.
The ability to be.
Anse of pureness divine.
A glowing light pierces the skin.
Wite noise.
Silence.
Power?
A lust, a thirst for the sou or the soul to be sought.
Leavng a feeling of fame behind and gaining everything.
Immortality.
An epemmeral beauty caughht in the net of eternal time.
This is being.
Ultimate holiness.
Too far to touch, too bright to see,
Scentless, yet it ovewhelmsthe senses.
More than a person can bear?
Is it there?
A light.
A floating above.
A flicker.
A spirit.
A breath of air.
Is it there?
A power.
An energy.
A burning of fire.
An aura or colour.
Above godliness.
An immortal trace.
The search for transendence;
To be flying lie a bird or a storm
To leave the rund n run or haunt.
The ability to be.
Anse of pureness divine.
A glowing light pierces the skin.
Wite noise.
Silence.
Power?
A lust, a thirst for the sou or the soul to be sought.
Leavng a feeling of fame behind and gaining everything.
Immortality.
An epemmeral beauty caughht in the net of eternal time.
This is being.
Ultimate holiness.
Too far to touch, too bright to see,
Scentless, yet it ovewhelmsthe senses.
More than a person can bear?
Is it there?
Wednesday 28 April 2010
cancer
It is a proper fear word. Hearing it just made me burst into uncontrollable tears. Tears I couldn't stop. I think we just associate cancer with ultimate doom.
It isn't me. My mother has skin cancer and just hearing it just created so much fear. Without it life is fine, happy, great but how could we be so naive. How could I not know. How can I be lauGhing and joking one minute and the next be so unbeleivably scared.
Cancer grips us like a menace. We all fear it even if we don;t know it. It is something no one wants to here. No matter how bad or not bad... the problem is in our heads it is associated with the worst.
I think w all need to be careful. Think about what ur life actually means. my mum has skin cancer from sun damage. She hs never sought after a tan or used a sun bed. She always wears sun cream in the summer but I think this just shows us. Any sun burn can do the trick. Every day sun can be the problem. We need to wear sun cream al the time. Protect our bodies. Same goes for everythin else, stop smokin, limit our drinking , try to be as healthy as possible because you never want to say to someone "I have cancer".
I think this has hit me hard. I always say " I don;t want to live to be old.. ive fast die young!" But this is stupid. I am underestimating the pain and suffering I could ccause to not just me ... but veryone else. The likely hood I am just goni to conk out is not a lare one but the irrepareable damage we do to our bodies is completely different. I am not going to kill myself unless I really put the boat out. Instead it just seems it is a long hard road to cancer.
Love you mum
xxx
It isn't me. My mother has skin cancer and just hearing it just created so much fear. Without it life is fine, happy, great but how could we be so naive. How could I not know. How can I be lauGhing and joking one minute and the next be so unbeleivably scared.
Cancer grips us like a menace. We all fear it even if we don;t know it. It is something no one wants to here. No matter how bad or not bad... the problem is in our heads it is associated with the worst.
I think w all need to be careful. Think about what ur life actually means. my mum has skin cancer from sun damage. She hs never sought after a tan or used a sun bed. She always wears sun cream in the summer but I think this just shows us. Any sun burn can do the trick. Every day sun can be the problem. We need to wear sun cream al the time. Protect our bodies. Same goes for everythin else, stop smokin, limit our drinking , try to be as healthy as possible because you never want to say to someone "I have cancer".
I think this has hit me hard. I always say " I don;t want to live to be old.. ive fast die young!" But this is stupid. I am underestimating the pain and suffering I could ccause to not just me ... but veryone else. The likely hood I am just goni to conk out is not a lare one but the irrepareable damage we do to our bodies is completely different. I am not going to kill myself unless I really put the boat out. Instead it just seems it is a long hard road to cancer.
Love you mum
xxx
canal dreaming
As I have said before, I love water. It has a tangeabl peacfullness about it and wherever I am, however I feel it brings a sese of calm and openess.
My favourite places ( ok amongst others, they always seem to have something epic about them) arethose with water. Yesterday I took a book and just sat and read y te water. I watched the world go by, the water slowly ripple, felt the sun, heard peple lauhing, everythin was happy and I was completley stress free. This is rare and although I am il I think yesterday was one of the happiest days of my life. I am unbelieveably lucky and I have so many things in my life that are absolutely amazing.
Oh but wouln't I just love to live on a canal boat? The chugging along the river... the pleasant conversation, the bright colours, the simple life.
Alfresco dining, lookin at the stars, the gentle rockin of the water. No purpose other than to get to the next section of the river.
The thing is though. I know this is a fantasy. I am way too fast paced. This would probbly make me hate the water. The cramped spaces. Te too close for comfort relationships. The bad weather. The nothing to do! No I think I will keep this as a happy dream...
But if you offering?
My favourite places ( ok amongst others, they always seem to have something epic about them) arethose with water. Yesterday I took a book and just sat and read y te water. I watched the world go by, the water slowly ripple, felt the sun, heard peple lauhing, everythin was happy and I was completley stress free. This is rare and although I am il I think yesterday was one of the happiest days of my life. I am unbelieveably lucky and I have so many things in my life that are absolutely amazing.
Oh but wouln't I just love to live on a canal boat? The chugging along the river... the pleasant conversation, the bright colours, the simple life.
Alfresco dining, lookin at the stars, the gentle rockin of the water. No purpose other than to get to the next section of the river.
The thing is though. I know this is a fantasy. I am way too fast paced. This would probbly make me hate the water. The cramped spaces. Te too close for comfort relationships. The bad weather. The nothing to do! No I think I will keep this as a happy dream...
But if you offering?
Tuesday 27 April 2010
banned
I am sex obessed... I have been banned from sex
I drink to make myself fel better... I cannot drink
Smoking is an alternative... No cigrettes
Coke keeps me going... No more caffeine
Damn this illness but I need to get better...can I rise to the challenge?
Hopefully I only need a couple of days?
But of course I can... I'm not that bad am I?
I drink to make myself fel better... I cannot drink
Smoking is an alternative... No cigrettes
Coke keeps me going... No more caffeine
Damn this illness but I need to get better...can I rise to the challenge?
Hopefully I only need a couple of days?
But of course I can... I'm not that bad am I?
bad romance (warhol)
B went on for such a long time about all her "creams" that I asked her "Don't you like to have people come in your face?"
"Does is rejuvenate?"
"Haven;t you heard about thee ladies who take young guys to the theatreand jerk them off so they can put it al over their face?"
" They rub it in like face cream?"
"Yes. It sort of pulls it tighter and makes them yunger for the evening."
" It does? Well, I use my own. It's better that way. That way I can do it at home before I go out for the evening. I shave my underarms, spray them, cream my face, and I'm all set forthe evening."
" I don't shave. I don't sweat. I don't even shit," I said. I wondered what B would say to that.
(The philosphy of Andy Warhol)
Somewhat amusing.
Literature is Art.
Sex is funny.
Nothing is serious.
Conersation is generally pointless.
"Does is rejuvenate?"
"Haven;t you heard about thee ladies who take young guys to the theatreand jerk them off so they can put it al over their face?"
" They rub it in like face cream?"
"Yes. It sort of pulls it tighter and makes them yunger for the evening."
" It does? Well, I use my own. It's better that way. That way I can do it at home before I go out for the evening. I shave my underarms, spray them, cream my face, and I'm all set forthe evening."
" I don't shave. I don't sweat. I don't even shit," I said. I wondered what B would say to that.
(The philosphy of Andy Warhol)
Somewhat amusing.
Literature is Art.
Sex is funny.
Nothing is serious.
Conersation is generally pointless.
Monday 26 April 2010
a trick of the imagination
It is strange how what we imagine is completley affected by pre concieved thoughts.
I read A Clockwork Orange years ago before I saw the film. This therefore made the film wrong. If i had seen the film first then I would have just imagined it like the film. I am not saying what I thought was any more original. . .
. . . Set in a Dystopian future my mind autamatically set the scene in a Blade Runner/ V for Vendetta/ 1984 ( the film) kind of world. The speech... well was pronouced how I read it... the boys.. well i don't know but expect I had seen them before somwhere? I know what a snake looks like, I know what blood loks like... i have seen violence, rape ( not live) ..everything we see it seems has already planted in our minds. It maks me wonder can we ever be totally original? I think everyone knows the answer is no!
As an art student I am constantly being asked to come up with influences showing how I link this to my own work clearly and obviosly as a journey or a pattern.
It is pretty much a necessity to my course that I have to consciously copy themes or techniques... striving to be un original.
Does this bother me? I do not know. Everyone wants to be orignal ..but they always end up being so un! I think I am just happy to see things.
I read A Clockwork Orange years ago before I saw the film. This therefore made the film wrong. If i had seen the film first then I would have just imagined it like the film. I am not saying what I thought was any more original. . .
. . . Set in a Dystopian future my mind autamatically set the scene in a Blade Runner/ V for Vendetta/ 1984 ( the film) kind of world. The speech... well was pronouced how I read it... the boys.. well i don't know but expect I had seen them before somwhere? I know what a snake looks like, I know what blood loks like... i have seen violence, rape ( not live) ..everything we see it seems has already planted in our minds. It maks me wonder can we ever be totally original? I think everyone knows the answer is no!
As an art student I am constantly being asked to come up with influences showing how I link this to my own work clearly and obviosly as a journey or a pattern.
It is pretty much a necessity to my course that I have to consciously copy themes or techniques... striving to be un original.
Does this bother me? I do not know. Everyone wants to be orignal ..but they always end up being so un! I think I am just happy to see things.
Friday 23 April 2010
flying
You make me feel like I am flying ( no cheesiness implied ) it is just real. This is the closest thing to bein superhuman. Love conquers all
Marc Chagall
Le branche
Marc Chagall
Le branche
Thursday 22 April 2010
man
" Don't you know me yet? Yes , I am cruel since - since you take so much delight in the word - and am I not entitled to be so? Man is the one who desires, women the one who is desired. This is women's entire but decisive advantage. Through her passion nature has given man into women's hands, and the women who does not know how to make him her subject, her slave, her ty and how to betra him with a smile is in the end not wise!"
Wednesday 21 April 2010
Tuesday 20 April 2010
The all seeing eye
Horus, the sun of Osiris and Isis was called ‘Horus who rules with two eyes’. His right eye was white and represented the sun: his left eye was black and represented the moon. According to the myth, Horus lost his left eye to his evil brother, Seth, who he fought to avenge Seth’s murder of Osiris. Seth tore out of the eye but lost the fight. The eye was reassembled by magic, by Thoth, the god of writing, the moon and magic. Horus presented his eye to Osiris, who experienced rebirth in the underworld.
Monday 19 April 2010
virus blasted...
after four days of having the most annoying computer virus in the world and vowing to never look at technoloy again I can safely say it is blasted...and yes I can't live without technology.
Thank you software
xxx
Thank you software
xxx
Thursday 15 April 2010
Tweet Tweet...
Bird song is the sound of spring. It makes me feel alive. We are lucky to live in a country where we can here this. In London I miss out but waking up next to a forest tells me life begins.
Aside birds have always made me feel free... you just need to take away the cage.
Aside birds have always made me feel free... you just need to take away the cage.
Wednesday 14 April 2010
taking the passion out of the artist..
"Van Gogh". A household name, a creative genius, a passionate mind, something that has now been completley destroyed by the RA.
Sure the exhibition proved an intrestng aocial study; a room full of fuddy duddy's crowding around not the brilliant paintings of his later life but the little labels and descriptions by the side. I undestand what the exhibiton was trying to do: give an insigt in to this mans mind, show how he taught himself how to paint, but it didn;t work, it made everythingabout Van Gogh seem so clynical. They were trying to make a huge collection of Van Gogh somethig else, somthing it really didn't need to be. The viewer wants to see the paintings, or at least, if anythng else, pry into his maddnss, not read about ho he labured learning to draw a tree, mathematically workin out the best techniques and here his scientific dull comments to his brother. We do not want to view Van Gogh as a normal boring person bt this is what it did.
The impressionist is menat to be fiery, passionate, theatrical, romanitic and my faith in Van Gigh still remains, after all he did shoot himself, but really! Does the RA need to be quite so conservative?
Sure the exhibition proved an intrestng aocial study; a room full of fuddy duddy's crowding around not the brilliant paintings of his later life but the little labels and descriptions by the side. I undestand what the exhibiton was trying to do: give an insigt in to this mans mind, show how he taught himself how to paint, but it didn;t work, it made everythingabout Van Gogh seem so clynical. They were trying to make a huge collection of Van Gogh somethig else, somthing it really didn't need to be. The viewer wants to see the paintings, or at least, if anythng else, pry into his maddnss, not read about ho he labured learning to draw a tree, mathematically workin out the best techniques and here his scientific dull comments to his brother. We do not want to view Van Gogh as a normal boring person bt this is what it did.
The impressionist is menat to be fiery, passionate, theatrical, romanitic and my faith in Van Gigh still remains, after all he did shoot himself, but really! Does the RA need to be quite so conservative?
Tuesday 13 April 2010
definiton or choice
All m ylie people have told me things are wrong with me, things are wrong with my mind. People come up with names and exuses but it is incredily damamging to be told that you hae ll these problems. Big problems that i had to face up to.
From the age of eleven this has been what I was made of:
Anerexia Nervosa
Depression
Bullimia
Tendency towards Bipolar
Tendency towards Phycosis
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Mild Paranoia
Complulsive Self Harm
Complulsive distruction
Sever Insomnia
... the list doesn't really stop
But what I learn't is that these problems are not what I am they are not some abormality. I have learn't to cope woth them by not letting mysef be defined. Change is slow but all these things make me who I am. No doctor can tell me what or how or cure me. It is about personal choices. I am none of these problems. I have grown up and I have an amazing life. I cannot constantly live in fear of bend to thes problems. giving them names gives them an excuse, an excuse for behaviour, but I am me and nothing is going to stop me from living my life.
Problems are just different life expereinces.
Mental health is treated like a guessing game.
Nothing is going to control me and I am never gong to play up to a defintition.
From the age of eleven this has been what I was made of:
Anerexia Nervosa
Depression
Bullimia
Tendency towards Bipolar
Tendency towards Phycosis
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Mild Paranoia
Complulsive Self Harm
Complulsive distruction
Sever Insomnia
... the list doesn't really stop
But what I learn't is that these problems are not what I am they are not some abormality. I have learn't to cope woth them by not letting mysef be defined. Change is slow but all these things make me who I am. No doctor can tell me what or how or cure me. It is about personal choices. I am none of these problems. I have grown up and I have an amazing life. I cannot constantly live in fear of bend to thes problems. giving them names gives them an excuse, an excuse for behaviour, but I am me and nothing is going to stop me from living my life.
Problems are just different life expereinces.
Mental health is treated like a guessing game.
Nothing is going to control me and I am never gong to play up to a defintition.
Monday 12 April 2010
The swan
I think there was a time when playin this saved my life. I miss it so much.
It maks me cy but it just fills me with an overwhelming sense of humility and peace.
Overwhelming hapiness and saddness at he same time. Life in all its glory.
Simply beautiful and pure.
haunted
I truly believe
My life is flled with so many ghosts..
ghost (gst)
n.
1. The spirit of a dead person, especially one believed to appear in bodily likeness to living persons or to haunt former habitats.
2. The center of spiritual life; the soul.
3. A demon or spirit.
4. A returning or haunting memory or image.
5.
a. A slight or faint trace: just a ghost of a smile.
b. The tiniest bit: not a ghost of a chance.
6. A faint, false image, as:
a. A secondary image on a television or radar screen caused by reflected waves.
b. A displaced image in a photograph caused by the optical system of the camera.
c. A false spectral line caused by imperfections in the diffraction grating.
d. A displaced image in a mirror caused by reflection from the front of the glass.
7. Informal A ghostwriter.
8.
a. A nonexistent publication listed in bibliographies.
b. A fictitious employee or business.
9. Physiology A red blood cell having no hemoglobin.
v. ghost·ed, ghost·ing, ghosts
v.intr.
1. Informal To engage in ghostwriting.
2. To move noiselessly like a ghost: "Two young deer ghosted out of the woods" (Nancy M. Debevoise).
v.tr.
1. To haunt.
2. Informal To ghostwrite: was hired to ghost the memoirs of a famous executive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Middle English gost, from Old English gst, breath, spirit.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ghosty adj.
My life is flled with so many ghosts..
ghost (gst)
n.
1. The spirit of a dead person, especially one believed to appear in bodily likeness to living persons or to haunt former habitats.
2. The center of spiritual life; the soul.
3. A demon or spirit.
4. A returning or haunting memory or image.
5.
a. A slight or faint trace: just a ghost of a smile.
b. The tiniest bit: not a ghost of a chance.
6. A faint, false image, as:
a. A secondary image on a television or radar screen caused by reflected waves.
b. A displaced image in a photograph caused by the optical system of the camera.
c. A false spectral line caused by imperfections in the diffraction grating.
d. A displaced image in a mirror caused by reflection from the front of the glass.
7. Informal A ghostwriter.
8.
a. A nonexistent publication listed in bibliographies.
b. A fictitious employee or business.
9. Physiology A red blood cell having no hemoglobin.
v. ghost·ed, ghost·ing, ghosts
v.intr.
1. Informal To engage in ghostwriting.
2. To move noiselessly like a ghost: "Two young deer ghosted out of the woods" (Nancy M. Debevoise).
v.tr.
1. To haunt.
2. Informal To ghostwrite: was hired to ghost the memoirs of a famous executive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Middle English gost, from Old English gst, breath, spirit.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ghosty adj.
Sunday 11 April 2010
sweetness
I never thought I would be this happy. It is utter contentement. I simply had such a lovely day. So much about my life has changed. I feel unbeleiveably lucky. Who would have thought I would have been doing this. Who would have thought I would be so head over heals?
Who would have thought every one around me could see how happy I am.
I feel like I have been set free. We are alive.
Summer is here. Sitting in covent garden ( ok we froze to death) a picnic and just all the people I love. How can I be so calm? Why do I want this to happen... How can such a family affair make me so happy. Maybe it;s the contrast or maybe it;s just the fact I love him. Is it scary? Yes!!! And I fuck up so much
I'm not this person... but maybe I am. Love conquers all so they say.
And here's to Van Gogh!
A DAY DEDICATED TO:
WOLFIE
MOTHER DARLING
AND MY WONDERFUL SISTER ELEANOR
Who would have thought every one around me could see how happy I am.
I feel like I have been set free. We are alive.
Summer is here. Sitting in covent garden ( ok we froze to death) a picnic and just all the people I love. How can I be so calm? Why do I want this to happen... How can such a family affair make me so happy. Maybe it;s the contrast or maybe it;s just the fact I love him. Is it scary? Yes!!! And I fuck up so much
I'm not this person... but maybe I am. Love conquers all so they say.
And here's to Van Gogh!
A DAY DEDICATED TO:
WOLFIE
MOTHER DARLING
AND MY WONDERFUL SISTER ELEANOR
Saturday 10 April 2010
iconism and idolism; electricity a modern day alter
The modern day world is one reolving around technology however as human beings we also still live in a world domenated by our relationship with people we have never met. We worship and we adorre yet we are all narcisists. It is the way we are conditioned. In reality we worship modern life.
I am not sure about sex .. that goes without saying but celebrity + technology = the future.
Friday 9 April 2010
Freedom
It is hard to loose a love
It's letting go of past that seem so present,
Dispersion of a precious prescence, emotional energy...
Can it save your life?
But love doesn't dissapear it moves on.
The world still suks in the energy and seeps it out; released again.
Not losing a love means not living,
There is so mch much more to love and you have freedom.
It's letting go of past that seem so present,
Dispersion of a precious prescence, emotional energy...
Can it save your life?
But love doesn't dissapear it moves on.
The world still suks in the energy and seeps it out; released again.
Not losing a love means not living,
There is so mch much more to love and you have freedom.
recurring dreams
My sister is plagued by a dream. She has it every night. She can't sleep for fear.
Every night she dreams of a lady, he is an artist. It is very clear. She finds a book it is full of paintings, painings of mutilated bodyparts. The lady paints them. She is a murderer. This is horrible. Why is my sister's mind doing this to her? She has done nothing wrong. This is not fair.
The subconscious is crazy. I think about ti so much.. Who are we really underneath?
I want to make it better but I have to understand.
Aren't dreams menat to be a warning?
I only ever had one recurring dream... it was about wolves. I like having nightmares because they are exciting. But this is horrible. My dreams only recurr in themes.
Every night she dreams of a lady, he is an artist. It is very clear. She finds a book it is full of paintings, painings of mutilated bodyparts. The lady paints them. She is a murderer. This is horrible. Why is my sister's mind doing this to her? She has done nothing wrong. This is not fair.
The subconscious is crazy. I think about ti so much.. Who are we really underneath?
I want to make it better but I have to understand.
Aren't dreams menat to be a warning?
I only ever had one recurring dream... it was about wolves. I like having nightmares because they are exciting. But this is horrible. My dreams only recurr in themes.
Wednesday 7 April 2010
point of view
My lack of understanding makes me angry.
I want to know everything.
I want to see why and how and know where.
I am not sure whether i am angry with myself for not having the ability to understand, with the world for not teaching me or with the thing that I can't understand... why the fuck do they / it ... have to be like that?
It makes me screw up inside... i want to let my lack of understanding out.
It seems this is impossible becuase I don't understand.
I want to know everything.
I want to see why and how and know where.
I am not sure whether i am angry with myself for not having the ability to understand, with the world for not teaching me or with the thing that I can't understand... why the fuck do they / it ... have to be like that?
It makes me screw up inside... i want to let my lack of understanding out.
It seems this is impossible becuase I don't understand.
Thursday 1 April 2010
Bite Me
Bite still remains to be possibly my absolutely favourite night.
It has been full of absolute trauma.
Always complete embarassement.
Humiliaion.
Arguments.
Debauchery.
Injury.
ut this is why I love it... I don;t care what any one thinks.
It is exciting and it is fre...
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