it really sucks...

that i don't have proper internet...
for someone who doesn't care about technology...
..... it is pretty useful!

we are controlled.

Applies to us both

break it we dont need it an there is no blame....

giraffes are beautiful...

i wish i was one....

happy birthday cake

nothing says birtday like a yummy cake :)
i never got one :(
but then i got jelly and ice cream...
mind you was rather tempted by these profiteroles from patisserie valerie i did have a little nibble but too not would have been torture.. i love yummy food far too much and chocolate... although nNOT better than sex it is just delectible...
i eat far too much of it and if i haven't had any in a day.... i feel deprived!

This cake is ART

somwhere over the rainbow...

rapunzel

when I was younger I used to pretend I was rapunzel...now I have no hair...



lily cole as rapunzel for tim walker

disease

I don't know quite how to start or what to say, how to express how I feel or what I feel... I am not entirely sure.
Another life cut short, another beauty always remembered, another wonderful girl taken by an evil illness.
Mental illness is little unerstood and even more misunderstood.
I spent alot of my early teens trapped in a world I didn't understand, caught in the grip of what can be broadley described as anerexia. I never feel this title can quite be defined and what it means is not definitive, all I know is it is sadness. I spent a good two years in impatient hospital living in what I percieved to be hell being controlled and manipulated by firstly my thoughts and then the people around me "helping me". There were times when I didn't want to go on... everything that mattered to me it seemed was being taken away... I wanted to be nothing... I was made to be something.. but something I didn't want to be and then nothing again.... not me!
As humans we are surronded by slogans and articles in the media about weight and beauty that sadly lead anerexia to seem shallow or a life choice. Celebrities are branded anerexic for being thin when really this has little to do with it... they are not commiting suicide .. fr them it is life.
It is deadly cycle hard to escape .. living a life of starvation and depression, fighting a system, two mids, one hated body.. it can seem there is little else important than that... no world beyond anerexia, death and hospital.
This is not about my story or what is right or wrong however it is a thank you a relfection on how lucky I am. I saw m life, I saw what I wanted, I fought and I fight and continue fighting. I love my life... I chose to live each day battlng my thouhts, learning to accept, to love food, trying to loose obsessions but I can see I can see how easily this could not have been how strong the illness is, how deceptive and how hard everything is to believe.
This i a rememberence to all I knew who have sadly passed away to anerexia and depression. How I dream they are set free and a wish to all those I don't know and all who are still suffering.
Much love
Effy
xxx

just a case of mild vandelism

and the cat just walked o by...

stability... or the lack of

I wish I wasn't so volatile.. I wis didn't have the ablity to ruin my day.. my week ... my year.
I wish I didn't worry so much. I wish I liked myself. I wish I didn't want to change everything. I wish it didn't affect me so much. I wish I didn't have obsessions. I wish I was sane. I wish I wish I wish....
.... you see
I wish I wasn't me!

time

Sometimes I am scared that m life is passing me by and no mater how much I try to fill it up I am missing out or living the wrong thing, the wrong time, feeling wrong.
I get so caught up in what could be, what could have been trying to change things or face up to them... it gets so I don;t even know what I am doing anymore. I don;tknow whether I am myself or somethng different? Do these flashing lights mean something? Is time just another constraint .. not becuase it vanishes but becase we know it does? I think I fight against my feelings because I am scared of the end result but if I am so sure in fate then maye I shouldn't .. I just can't take life ot of my hands but I don't trust myself with time.

Evermore

Yesterday I was lucky enough to go and see the production of Evermore ( the imaginary life of Edgar Allen Poe) by the canadian Catalyst theatre company. A gothic musical it played on te morbid the strange and the twisted.
It focused on doom and death... how we are intrinsically born a character a person whom perhaps we cannot escape from... are we condemmed to our disposition?
Arewe condemmed to our own thoughts trapped in a world that is just as unescapable as a nightmare ..becaue maybe life is a nightmare?
Does it even matter because death is always the end,an inevitable truth.. whether we die of our family codition, crippling mental illness, passion, or disease is death
release that only toments the living and is just the end of a dream for the dead?

pigeon

home

I'm all moved in our new flat and very excited....
tonight will be funn but it always is!
I have a nice big bed, space and high ceilings :)
I can't wait to fill this place with memories ...
I think I aleady started :)
love

something about sandy...

there's something about these two everyone loves,... the style is just impeccable and here is somethig magical about Sandy's transformation. I don't think anybody could ever say they werent cool. Whatever happened to teen musicals?
Ah I will always love...

...and funnily enough I hada dream the other day where John Travolta asked me out!! haha

baby crush

and way to late..this was from 2007 and me and my 4 on demand only just stumbled across it...
Owen Stevens...

Played by Aaron Johnson..


WHO JUST LOOKS A BIT SILLY

I ThinK it;s the charactER I like though (KIND OF REMINDS ME OF THE WOLF)... too school girl!

HAHA
well it makes me laugh