My (very un-) surreal thoughts.

My surreal thoughts at this very moment are not very automatic. Fairly obvious. The mouse. the mouse running across the floor means a lot. I hear a constant rustling. Constant dirt. Constant bits. Bits all chewed up. Dry bits. Wet bits. They all seem to resemble wood. Maybe the house is crumbling under this one gargantuan mouse. The mouse now is associated with bright bright orange. Plastic bag. Mouse. Wooden bits. House. Maybe even recycling. Does the mouse eating my rubbish mean I am recycling?
Penny.
USB stick.
Vodka.
I can't get the sheet to stay on my bed it always peels off on the corner I sit on. Oh well. It is all pretty dirty and uncomfortable anyway. Changing the sheets makes it worse. The sheets are stained.
My life seems to be all piled up.
Piles and piles of things. Dirt. Things. Dirt. Things.
Maybe I will al be piled up. I feel a bit piled up. My cells all piling together. Stuck. Sometimes my muscles feel so stuck. What happens when there is no more space in the ground to fit everyone in? Will we just be an earth of piled rubbish and dead people and things? Walking on a crust of .. well something.
I never lock my door. Maybe I should. It has three locks. I am so scared of getting locked out though. No thats not it. I am just lazy about the careful things.
The rubbish needs to go out other wise this mouse makes a mess.

stability... or the lack of

I wish I wasn't so volatile.. I wis didn't have the ablity to ruin my day.. my week ... my year.
I wish I didn't worry so much. I wish I liked myself. I wish I didn't want to change everything. I wish it didn't affect me so much. I wish I didn't have obsessions. I wish I was sane. I wish I wish I wish....
.... you see
I wish I wasn't me!

the mean reds...

"Listen...you know those days when you get the mean reds?"
"The mean reds? You mean like the blues?"
"No... the blues are because you're getting fat or because it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?"


Some days are just like that. You can;t control how your feel or why. Everyhing seems grey. And red is how you feel. At the moment my future is out of my hands. I know something will sort itsef out. Everyhing has a destiny but right now it is so important. Right now I really want to go to CSM. There;s nothing I can do. I just have to wait. Three whole long days. Constant distraction, tension, everything just seems wrong. Not fear. Just the unknown. What do I say? What will be my plan?

.. Right now I just want it so badly.
Please

Faith in people

The sun has been shining and I am hoping this is the beginning of my returned good fortune.
Faith in people...
My camera has been handed in! A month later and it's found. Not everyone is bad and maybe it means people aren;t inherently evil... although we all want a michevious side!
I can't stop smiling.
Summer is coming.
I really feel like this is the start of the best time ever. Everything is going well.
A beaitiful world.
...and although Nina Simone will forever be wonderful, today I just feel like muse...

this song will be beautiful in any form... (lets ignore the drugs for now and pretend it is just about summer) and today a beautiful boy singing it makes it even better. :)