queing

Food shopping is strange. I wonder what you can tell?
My shopping... a bottle of vodka
red bull
coke
a tin of spaghetti

the personbehind me ... 40 white loeaves of bread

Is my future as beautiful as you?
..and as ugly?

is going dancing...

i love to dane more than anything else. Tonight is out celebration. Feeling the best i can. Tonight is lovely.

repetition

imaginery couples? ... relived

Future

My pathway has been chose for the next three years :)
It seems o doos closed...what I felt was right was right.
I got in to CSM 2D Fine Art BA.
The next three years are going to be truly the best. I will be an artist. Probably full of self absorbion and selfisness... but I care about the rest of the world too I think art is about beig aware. Maybe caring about my self isn;t selfish? Biut art i selfish! Oh well..

I am going to change so much. I need to change for the better. It is the path I wanted It is he best growing path. After then who knows?
For now I am excited.

the mean reds...

"Listen...you know those days when you get the mean reds?"
"The mean reds? You mean like the blues?"
"No... the blues are because you're getting fat or because it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?"


Some days are just like that. You can;t control how your feel or why. Everyhing seems grey. And red is how you feel. At the moment my future is out of my hands. I know something will sort itsef out. Everyhing has a destiny but right now it is so important. Right now I really want to go to CSM. There;s nothing I can do. I just have to wait. Three whole long days. Constant distraction, tension, everything just seems wrong. Not fear. Just the unknown. What do I say? What will be my plan?

.. Right now I just want it so badly.
Please

when you have something

fear (fîr)
n.
1.
a. A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
b. A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear.
2. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: a fear of looking foolish.
3. Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
4. A reason for dread or apprehension: Being alone is my greatest fear.
v. feared, fear·ing, fears
v.tr.
1. To be afraid or frightened of.
2. To be uneasy or apprehensive about: feared the test results.
3. To be in awe of; revere.
4. To consider probable; expect: I fear you are wrong. I fear I have bad news for you.
5. Archaic To feel fear within (oneself).
v.intr.
1. To be afraid.
2. To be uneasy or apprehensive.

childhood dream

One day Rose was cheerfully playing with her favourite doll. She suddenly had a thought. Her thought was "When I grow up I want to look pretty just like my doll. That means I will be happy forever and everyone will love me. My life will be perfect." Now Rose was sad.

i've been waiting..

Is it possible for their to be a more beautiful song in a more beautiful film?
Its completley timeless and escapable. Timeless in a 90s perfect grunge way. It;s everything I want to be.
Meanwhile..the whle soundtrack is amazing, probably my all time favorite. And me? Well I am ready and defenately somwhere in space.

if you have the balls

slightly ambiguous

and rther attractive don't you think!!!

Alexander McQueen

R.I.P
I must admit this has absoltely shocked me. For me,he was truly insperational. I remember buying his book at the age of 12 and worshipping him. A fine art fashion genius.
He really was up there. I could say I love him. Maybe it's his work it's beautiful. I am truly saddened not just for him but for me. No more real Alexander McQueen.

Toy town

Aren't we all playing at life? Attempting happies and making toys out of ourselves? I'm not conplaining my toy town is fun!.. Eeverything is colourful, anythin can happen, play what you want. Its better than paying silly games. If I believe in faries and talking lions isn't it better than being genuinly stupid and settlin down to what I expect to be a happy life. I might as well accept toy town lie a chid rather than an adult. Multicoloured lights, ice cream, fying, circus .. do what we wan when we want.It's all childhood innocence. The thing is... I'm not that innocent.
(but I can pretend)

Obsession

I seem to be utterly confused in what i beleive in all the time. Maybe because I believe in both, or becasuI am desperate to understand things. I just am obsessed or seem to be obsessed; everything seems two come down to these two things...

re⋅al⋅i⋅ty  /riˈælɪti/ [ree-al-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties for 3, 5–7. 1. the state or quality of being real.
2. resemblance to what is real.
3. a real thing or fact.
4. real things, facts, or events taken as a whole; state of affairs: the reality of the business world; vacationing to escape reality.
5. Philosophy. a. something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.
b. something that exists independently of all other things and from which all other things derive.
6. something that is real.
7. something that constitutes a real or actual thing, as distinguished from something that is merely apparent.



fan·ta·sy (fnt-s, -z)
n. pl. fan·ta·sies
1. The creative imagination; unrestrained fancy. See Synonyms at imagination.
2. Something, such as an invention, that is a creation of the fancy.
3. A capricious or fantastic idea; a conceit.
4.
a. Fiction characterized by highly fanciful or supernatural elements.
b. An example of such fiction.
5. An imagined event or sequence of mental images, such as a daydream, usually fulfilling a wish or psychological need.
6. An unrealistic or improbable supposition.
7. Music See fantasia.
8. A coin issued especially by a questionable authority and not intended for use as currency.
9. Obsolete A hallucination.
tr.v. fan·ta·sied, fan·ta·sy·ing, fan·ta·sies
To imagine; visualize.

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I think the two can live hand in hand though. I'm not sure the definitions are quite correct. It's whether the fantasy is genuine, then it's a reality. It isn tmake believe anymore. Someties it's more real.

One of my big songs...

Maybe this time, I'll be lucky
Maybe this time, he'll stay
Maybe this time
For the first time
Love won't hurry away

He will hold me fast
I'll be home at last
Not a loser anymore
Like the last time
And the time before

Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me;
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time I'll win

life

"I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs." - Andy Warhol

Faith in people

The sun has been shining and I am hoping this is the beginning of my returned good fortune.
Faith in people...
My camera has been handed in! A month later and it's found. Not everyone is bad and maybe it means people aren;t inherently evil... although we all want a michevious side!
I can't stop smiling.
Summer is coming.
I really feel like this is the start of the best time ever. Everything is going well.
A beaitiful world.
...and although Nina Simone will forever be wonderful, today I just feel like muse...

this song will be beautiful in any form... (lets ignore the drugs for now and pretend it is just about summer) and today a beautiful boy singing it makes it even better. :)

overwhelming

I feel so strong. it;s so strange. It seems to have happened all of a suddden. I mean like this. I am so scared. I think this is what it is supposed to be. Or at least its just amazing and i have to try it once.
Especially with you.
Because we will do anything.
"There isn't anything I wouldn't do ; it scares me"

And its all to do with music

lorenda

One year since you death it is still such a shock.
You are beautiful and lovely, no faults.
You really have helped so many people.
Nothing seems fair but there is always a reason.
Maybe you were just to sepcial.
Lovely Lorenda.

p.s. I really need to get some tweezers so I can do my eyebrows you would be truly ashamed!