Adam Green was amazing at Reading....

.. you can't imagine how good he is live.... alive!

what is red, white and black all over?

blue hair...

the latest in my long line of hair endevours...

Repeated...

Brother fucker
Blood cutter
Hater
Traitor
Open broken scars and
Push it in
Twist and stab
Hit her hard
Held tight
We’re up for a fight.
Sins are wins
Stab the eyes with moans and cries
Waiting for a time when love becomes a crime.
Rape is desire
Sisters are physical
Stimulation
Nervous system
Sending shudders through your skin
Ripping
Slashing
Reaching in.
Darkness deeper than desire
Passion burning amber fire.
Strangled though
Suffocating silence
Kiss the snake
Do not wake.
Dreams more apparent than it seems
Visionary incarnation
Immaculate misconception.
Re birth in the purest sense
Whiteness stained by crimson rain
Bloody scream releases pain.

Whoever said that love was sane?

Beating hearts joined in one
A way to learn let it burn.
Godly status
Transcendent high
Hear it now
Immortal cry

Dragon

Dragon in the dark
It is watching and waiting
Hovering in a multi parallel world of subconscious and fear
Split into three beings
The thoughts magnify
The image clarifies
The world more fragile

Amber eyes burn in leering torment
The tunnel touching the depths of the fantasy
A fear so strong it never happens
It never begins
It never ends

The dragon sits
A minds eye vision reflecting, repeating again and again
The bloody bitter torment locking and latching again and again
Cease all rational thought

A dragon taking over from being
Making an escape impossible
Waiting
And Watching
And Killing
And Cutting
The deadly dragon in the dark.

marble in motion

Un Chien Andalucia

A visit to the picasso museum...

As much as I of course love Picasso on a visit to the museum in Malaga I wasbsolutl exstatic o fin that it s lso housing Bill Viola's new figurative works.
Bill Viola's ethreal pefrmace work has to amongst my absolute favourite artworks. I find his work completley awe inspiring and yes on a transcendent level.
I was compleley overcome standing in a room of three video instalations. I almot felt the water sweeping over me in all its glory revealing the souls of every viewer. Bill Viola's work is th kind of work that an be life changing just because of the depth and extent to which it makes you feel.

A he work is new I cannot find a video but here is another powerful piece...

the sea

Walking into the sea the blackness calls echoing the world and its depth,
A mirror of tunes of tales of the lived and living.
The girl searching for a soul, for a hand to hold and help to fucking save her from this bleak world of self hatred and blinding misunderstaning.

A scream so desperate, so alive, yelling at death!
" Why does it have to be so hard to leave everything behind? Why can't the sea suck away the senses: float, dissapear, be nothing."

Standing sending tears to the moon...
"God, God, God! Why have you forsaken me?"
Words of a story, a man, words for a world with no esape from fantasy!

Waves lap and curl, crippling and cold.
The heart shudders.
The human is weak, begging to be strong enough to carry out this deserate act.
Maybe in this search for transcendence she will find something?
Anything to hang on to!
To have, to hold, to chersish and not to run.

The depths beckon as the blackness burns brghter but the silence is too eternal.
No answer.
No serephin, nymph or white horsse.
The water ceases its tug.
The land is too obvious.

He waits.
Tentitive.
The scared girls stirrs...

Over.
Time for retreat.
A moment passed.
Life lived.
Hands held.
Failed failure.
The journey of the sea.

jacques town house...

Before I went on holiday I visited the delectable Jacques Townhouse designed and created by the charming David Carter and Cordelia Weston.
I as delghted to be involved in helping paint a few bit and bobs for the house as n intern. It was well worht the hard work put in by all.
A summer fairytale full of the fabulous.... oh how I yearn for a beautiul castle...

chalk circle...notes on blood shed.

Bloody battle
Bitter battle
Bruised and used
Matador Murdor
Crimson curtain sweeps and swoops
Tricking and taunting
Images haunting.

Tradition is tragedy
Blood glistens
Crystals dancing
Beating and tapping
Twisting and turning
Cheering and choking.

Bloody battle
Bitter battle
Stupid Fucking Futile Battle.

Muscles scream
Blood pouring
Sinews twisting
Fighting
Floating.

Stamping stench
A silent scream
Beg
Whisper
Proud flash of hatred human
Harmful human
Haughty headed handsome human.

Laugh at sport
Growing power
Feel the burn
Another turn.

Bloody battle
Bitter battle
Fucking Futile Stupid Battle.

Greedy man
Angry horn
Forced fight
Dance and prance
Step and skip
Leading
Luring
Evil trap.

Sword glistens
Hidden tall
Cowardly escape
from death or fate.

Blade raised
Bull dazed
Final moment
Horn pushes
Down
Down
Beast beaten
Stumbling deeper

Fight over
Beast life wasted
Walks away
Humble beauty.

Red pouring
Silent screaming
Man winning
Man gleaming
Crowd cheering
Brutal beauty.

Bull down
Peace enters
No respect
No final wishes
Carcass dragged
Thrown to feast on
Human wins
Human sins.

Bloody battle
Bitter battle
Fucking Futile Stupid Battle
Wasted life
Wasted life
Fucking Futile Fucked up Battle.

back and notes on bulls and bloodshed....

I am back from holidaying in Andalucia and have an infinite list of posts to start on and many photos that need uploading...

I had a fantastic time with Alex and my family; it was peaceful and happy and sunny and very hard to come back. Holidays seem to take away any worries and you seem to live in a world of perfection. The holiday bought everyone closer and I think even self discovery... stepping away is a necessity.

I think I need to write about one thing first...
BULL FIGHTS!!
On a trip to Malaga we managed to visit a real life bullfight. I wanted to see it, Alex wanted to see it... everyone did apart from my sister.. but she was just nervous.
Bull fights are a contreversial subject... bloody, cruel, patriotic, majestical, ceremonial... it was all of these things.
Personally I do not think it is right. I didn't quite know how I would feel but it defenately had an affect on me.
Sitting in the ring we were surrounded by spanish people, the mood was high, live musicians played spanish music... everything was defeantely happy, pure and wonderful. The start was ceremonial, beautiful and proud. The matadors strong, majestical and heroic but as soon as the first bull was released an overwhelming sadness came over me. It was so small, pitiful and humbling. it wasn;t this angry beast I was expecting. I immediately started feeling what I thought it was feeling...
Pain as it's skin was stabbed...exhaustion, humilation, weakness as the matador prodded it urging to fight. This bull was too effeminate, too lovely.. I imagined it's friends, it;s paretns... this wasn't a bull who wanted to fight... it just wanted a hug?
The matador jeered as it watched it die... this bull died for human pride.. an unworthy cause.
My sister, Alex and my Mother were concerened but excited, desperate for more.... it wasn't personal... I stayed but it made me angry ... there is nothing I could no about it!
The next two bulls were stronger more fierce, there pain didn;t hurt me nad the matador's fantastic but I still can;t condone this sport. Yes it is traditional, beautiful, and brings the peopele together but we live in a modern world which is searching for freedom. Animals are now seen as worthy beings with rights... yes we eat animals... but I am not sure anyone enjoys there killing.
I think spain needs to find a new way of keeping the glory of the matador but not the bullish behaviour.

Holiday!

Is going on Holiday for a week!!! yay!!
... OFF TO ANDALUCIA WITH WOLFIE AND MY WONDERFUL MUM AND SISTER!
I can't wait to get a way from London and spend my time without any pollution and plenty of sun, good food and excitement...
Hopefully I will take lots of pictures and come back probably feeling depressed at being in England...
I really love being on holiday and i would love to be abroad... I THINK I WILL MISS LONDON THOUGH IN THE END...

white lies

Every one tells lis it is built into our nature as human beings. We all now it is wrong but we all do it... wheteher to make ourselves seem better, cover somthing we are ashamed of, or to make someone else feel better/ stop them from getting hurt... many lies are what we call white. The problem is... lies (even white) normally get found out.

I think th eproblem here is as a human beign we feel a desperation to not get found out, a humiliation at out lie and a need to prove our honesty. The problem is... this makes the hole deeper.
I think it is wise to bury your embarassement and pride and admit your obvious lie. No it doesnt make the lie better but atleast it shows some huimility and can be the start of an apology.

faith in fortune...

faith in future...
It's nice to be told things that give you hope.
I had my tarot read today... very different from the last time... true or not? who knows... i am sceptical but i do beleive in some sort of parth, choice or fate.
This time again it was positive but not associated with my past at all, just my future.
I was told I had no choice.. at the moment I am in the exact place in my life I am meant to be. Many people have options but i am in my perfect path. I have come a long way and I am talented and will be sucssessfull.
I was told I am an artist and I will be well known and shown in big museums (haha)
... follow my gut and have faith in myself.
It was also pointed out that I feel too much and am over emotional but I need this for my work!
As for my "man" apparently this is absoltely right and I should not worry :)!



All very nice and supportive to hear!hmmmmmmmm....

walk

walking down whitechapel high street without clothes is a risky buisnesss....
but all in the name of perfomrance of course ;)
At least I had nice underwear.... bought by lovely Wolfie!
Oh well it was fun...childish and somewhat liberating...