Fattened up
Shored up
Shoved up
my body decompensates
my body flies apart


no way to reach out
beyond the reaching out I've already done
you will always have a piece of me
because you held my life in your hands
those brutal hands

this will end me
I thought it was silent
till it went silent



how have you inspired this pain?
I've never understood
what it is I'm not supposed to feel
like a bird on the wing in a swollen sky
my mind is torn by lightning
as it flies form the thunder behind

Hatch opens
Stark light
and Nothing
Nothing see Nothing

What am I like?
the child of negation
out of one torture chamber into another
a vile succession of errors without remission
every step of the way I've fallen
Despair propels me to suicide
Anguish for which doctors can find no cure
Nor care to understand


I hope you never understand

Because I like you
I like you
I like you

still black water
as deep as forever
as cold as the sky
as still as my heart when your voice is gone
I shall freeze in hell
of course I love you
you saved my life
I wish you hadn't
I wish you hadn't
I wish you'd left me alone

a black and white film of yes or no yes or no yes or no yes or no yes or no yes or no
I've always loved you
even when I hated you

What am I like?
just like my father
oh no oh no oh no

Hatch opens
Stark light
the rupture begins

I don't know where to look anymore
Tired of crowd searching
Telepathy
and hope
Watch the stars
predict the past
and change the world with a silver eclipse
the only thing that's permanent is destruction
we're all going to disappear
trying to leave a mark more permanent that myself

I've not killed myself before so don't look for precedents
What came before was just the beginning
a cyclical fear
that's not the moon it's the earth
A revolution

Dear God, dear God, what shall I do?

All I know
is snow
and black despair
Nowhere left to turn
an ineffectual mortal spasm
the only alternative to murder
Please don't cut me up to find out how I died
I'll tell you how I died
One hundred Lofepramine, forty five Zopiclone, twenty five Temazepam, and twenty Melleril
Everything I had
Swallowed
Slit
Hung
It is done

behold the Eunuch
of castrated thought
skull
unwound
the capture
the rapture
the rupture
of a soula solo symphony
warm darkness
which soaks my eyes
I know no sin

this is the sickness of becoming great
the vital need for which I would die

to be loved
I'm dying for one who doesn't care
I'm dying for one who doesn't know
you're breaking me
Speak
Speak
Speak
ten yard ring of failure
look away from me
My final stand
No one speaks
Validate me
Witness me
See me
Love me
my final submission
my final defeat
the chicken's still dancing
the chicken won't stop
I think that you think of me
the way I'd have you think of me

the final period
the final full stop
look after your mum now
look after your mum
Black snow falls
in death you hold me
never free
I have no desire for death
no suicide ever had
watch me vanish
watch me
vanish
watch me
watch me
watch

It is myself I have never met, whose face is pasted on the underside of my mind

please open the curtains