It is just feeling so lonely.
Not having someone to fill every moment or just knowing that there is someone there to fill every moment of time with the knowledge that they will always love you.
Alone makes one weak and it is so hard. Well in these moments it is so hard.
I wish the pain didn't start choking my neck and strangling me like barbed wire closing around my breath.
I get this feeling where my lungs wont fill up properly and it is like I am being pushed into the floor and my spine is being pushed up so small and the walls of my body are shutting in.
My eyes well up and I am drowning in uncontrollable tears and anger. So much anger. Anger and terror and hate and hate and hate. Its the hate I can't escape from. Not the love.
It is inly you who makes me feel like this or makes by body react in this way. I used to get it at other things. I used to get upset at other things but now its just you. I wonder what I will do if I ever move on. Maybe I need something to get upset about? But why do I have to hate?
I just want something to fill my time or someone to fix me like a doll but now I am too scared of people.
Blocked out. Who wants it to be easy? Just all of this makes me feel like
my future is something I have to get through.
Just cover your face.
I don't like it anymore.
And it always gets so much worse when I am banned from fucking anything... or when I fuck too much.
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