Tuesday's thoughts whilst waiting

I think you are going to irritate me for the rest of my life. If you stopped maybe I could stop regretting everything to do with you. I understand the irrational behaviour - I am hardly rational myself - but you seem to have no understanding of an end. Everything ends. Or at least changes. There has to be a point when you say no more. Your unintelligence confuses me. Your childishness makes me angry. Only because I know you have the capability of being more than that. Everyone does. Very little "behaviour" makes me angry to a point where I don't understand but your blindness is too hard for me to comprehend. The frustration is frustrating. It has been going on like this for months. You don't change. How can you not change? It isn't funny or a game - how can you refuse your control? Are you really planning on spending your life like this? Because quite frankly it is ridiculous.

                                                                                                                                                                         


Grey floor.
Are they doing everything they can to make me feel uncomfortable?
Waiting games.
Waiting rooms.
I am staring in to space trying to force a source of inspiration.
Smily girl.
Voice doesn't match the face.
Your job must be such a drone.
I wish I wasn't so scared of doctors.
Maybe I would tell them how I feel.
Sometimes I come close.
But I know it's text book.
What is that fake tree doing in the corner?
Honestly - who makes decisions like this?
I just want to get out of here.
I don't care about the chair.
Cloud music isn't helping.
Not that I feel particularly strongly against it.
It is just hilarious that it is such an obvious but failed institutional choice to create a "pleasant" environment.
My life is my own.
The setting annoys me.
Obviously I am having an annoyed day.
Or just pretending to.
At the end of the day I am the one using the service.
It's just waiting to step out into the real world again.
Not that the street is any more real.
But the sky is.

                                                                                                                                                                      


Sometimes I feel like I am the only person in the world that feels right.
Sometimes I feel like I am the only person in the world that feels wrong.
In reality this doesn't matter. Neither is true.
What ever a feeling is it is transient. We will never know what it means.
What it means to feel.

                                                                                                                                                                      


God it must be so awful for you sitting here with your Bible surrounded by all us degenerate sex crazed scum. It just intrigues me. I assume people like you wouldn't be here. Now I want to know why.