Seperation

I think you know I mean it.
Because everything changes now.
The end of OUR time.
Never alone again.
No endless spaces.
Our past all dried up and cut and tied ends together.
That world before was our universe - we chose to step in or step out but it was always there.
Doesn't exist anymore!
Black holes are your fascination
But the space up their is disappearing faster than you can imagine.
No more living in the stars or being star dust.
I'm optimistic.
I like this newness.
But I am not stupid like you.
Spend too much time thinking and I know this is the end.
It didn't have to be but decisions are only human to get wrong.
You chose to separate you world.
Don't belong anymore.
It is fear. Fear that haunts us.
Gone. No more.
I didn't think it would happen like this.
the breaking of wishes makes life str o n ger.
All I can say
It seems to be fate
No longer combined.
Evermore.

This exhibition saved my life (or at lease my love!)...

"Friedrich Kunath: The most beautiful WORLD in the WORLD"
at Hoxton Square (15th April - 4th June 2011) quite possible changed my life. It was another one of those moments (again) when something just clicks and what you are doing at that very time means SO much. It is beautiful. I can't say how it has saved everything but it has. Just the atmosphere?
I must say I was very impressed with the exhibition as a whole. I loved it. I am not saying I loved the art though. Yes some of it was brilliant I couldn't stop staring or listening but it isn't my normal sort of thing. I like the normal white space but it has black walls and a brown carpet? White Cube? ! No!
I just think the art is so right. So human. So touching. We love. We loose. We are alone. We see beauty. We see joy. We learn. We are alone. We remember. We forgive. .We see. We are alone. We reject. We are rejected. We see beauty. We see pain. We are alone. Solitude can be beautiful.

 I was sitting on a sofa (in the exhibition) and I started crying. At first it was pain but then I started noticing things hearing things and these beautiful words seemed to come out of nowhere. They expressed everything. I stayed sitting. ... till the exhibition closed and I was asked to leave but I left calm, happy, motivated, clear and inspired.

SUMMER IS NEARLY HERE.

Upstairs there is a boy gazing out of a window at stars. We are so small. The world is so beautiful. This exhibition was completion.

Control

Grey day
Grey mind
Grey space
Grey light
Grey heart
Grey sight...
Absolution in the still soliliquey of solitude
Wasted words in a wasted world
Moments in time tortured by burning bitter fantasy,
Blasphemy on life ...

Light lost

Love losing

Lauhter left listlessly lamenting language
Madness twisting reality into a few pathetic moments
Not worth the time spent
Or the feeling.
Lack of memory mocking a mind that knows
THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
Not me
Not I
Not it
Not life.

What does one want?
Not this
But what?

NOT THIS

Light
colour
freedom ... but freedom to dance in completion.
Do do what is
what should be.

MESS MESS MESS fucking MESS
Knotted actions lost in lack of control.
Control spun into girating glee at the absence of caring.
But I do care
I do care
I DO CARE

Free me control
free me

you left poison in my heart

photography my Sayaka Maruyana